[01/27/2017] Who Am I?

January 27th, 17

I honestly think I've hit a really confusing part of my life.

It doesn't really seem like it, but several of the situations I've gone through recently in my life have been pretty chaotic. I've started to gain a lone wolf personality, so I'm started to be known to go off and do things on my own.
I'm not one that has a lot of social time. I know, the (frequently) cheerful 15 year old kid behind the profile of Rozi is not what it looks like. One of the things I love about the Marble Blast community is that it's really accepting, and I feel like I've made a good place for myself in it. My life is really not as stable as it seems. The sole reason for why I'm almost always feeling energetic and joyous is to make up for a lot that happens offline.

Let’s get back on track. I’m bringing the conversation to a topic that I don't like to talk about for a very obvious reason. It's not something I'm happy about, but it's nearly impossible to get it out of my head as well as everyone else's. There's simply no going back from it, and I feel like it's time to let it all out.
Let's go back to Splashy.

The first thing I need to say is that if you’re not updated on the current situation, then I’ll briefly update you.
Around Labor Day or 2016, there was an account created by the name of Splashy, stuff happened, the real Splashy was revealed, etc.
(November 2, 2017 Edit: I shorted the previous paragraph to this because I'm incredibly embarrassed by the whole thing and I want to erase it from my memories as much as possible. Come talk to me privately if you want to know more about it.)

Twice in 2016, I had a phase where I was tied to a female character. The first occurrence was the whole Rosalyn thing in the earlier part of last year, and the second occurrence was explained above. The first time around was generally a joke that went on for a couple days, and the latter was a more serious situation that ended just as quickly. Long story short, there’s a possibility that I’ve been hinting at a (male-to-female) transgender personality.
It’s understandable that this kind of came out of the blue. I personally didn’t expect this to be a thing before Rosalyn became a thing. I’m honestly not sure if this personality will stay. The only reason why my friends and family don’t know about this is because I’m not positive that this will be a permanent life choice. If the time comes where I decide to transition to a female mindset, I’ll be a lot more open and comfortable with the situation. For now, this is just a possibility.
I’m a little surprised that I’m more comfortable sharing this online rather than to my friends and family. I don’t have the fear that they won’t accept this personality, and I’ve shown that I’m generally not embarrassed. I’ve learned that the people who surround me are kind, understanding, and supportive. I don’t think I’m ready to make a dedication yet.

You may see me talking about this a little bit in the future on Webchat and Discord. I’m interested to hear reactions and comments from everyone else, regardless of whether they’re positive or negative. I don’t think I’ll be changing the things like my display name and avatar to something that fits the male-to-female personality, but you never know. That time may come where this will turn into a reality.

First of all, I think it's very brave to post this on the forums. I'm glad you feel there's enough openness in the community to do so.

I think the most important thing for you is to accept who you are as a person. Which sounds a lot easier than it is.. It does get easier when you get older though.

Good luck in all of this, it seems like a tough thing to go through.

I can understand your point on developing a lone wolf personality. I really don't have not many friends outside of MB, and I mainly joined MBP to meet new people (other than playing MBG as a kid) because I not really the best with meetings others in school or other activities. I'm usually, if not at school, either playing with family or close friends or spending time by myself. I haven't seemed to be bothered by it, and being homeschooled next year I don't see to meet alot of other people face-to-face.

As for the transgender thing, I not the one willing to judge someone for their personal decisions or how abnormal they are to society (since I'm mainly the outsider mostly). For myself, being relatively a new member for some online communities (such as HTF) I haven't really told anyone else about the way I personally feel with others. Although I have never questioned something like my sexuality, I still feel it's normal to express such matters on a serious note. It's the way we live and form communities with each other.

Just to add a couple of things from my experience.

It sounds like you are more introvert type of person similar to me that ''recharges during times that they are alone'', opposite to extroverts that need social interactions to ''recharge'' social energy. Though I may be wrong here.
Ether way from my experience of being lone wolf in school during whole primary I can tell you that it wasn't really worth it. The main reason why I ended up being one was that I was different in good sense of a word, I like technical things and I was too serious for my peers at the time which had side effect of pushing me aside because I wasn't doing what everyone else does (going to party's, hanging out with people etc) and it just turned into this loophole of infinite loneliness. I spent more time at computer than outside which had impact on my social skills.
Only when I went to University I fully understood what I missed out. It turned out I wasn't as bad and as ''weird'' as everyone tried to force me to believe and all the crazy things I was thinking of where actually not bad ideas. Turned out I actually love to go to party's now and then and have fun. Turned out I actually could do physical sports, do pull ups etc even though everyone said I was the weak one and can't do a thing.

What I'm trying to say is, don't let people change perception of who you are. Don't let anyone steal your life and all the fun it has to offer. Even though you may feel more comfortable being alone most of time, you must also have some interaction with people outside of family to increase your social skills, typing in this case doesn't really work as you have no physical interraction (If I could choose one thing I could change from my past I would chose to interact with people a lot more). Social skills are very important in order to achieve things in life. Even though you may feel like going to public events is something ''not for you'' you must try it at least once. It may be uncomfortable but trust me, it gets better. If I was you I would atleast try to work in groups when possible and try to fit in groups that allready exists. It's never too late. Internet is a good thing and this community is rather wellcoming over past years but don't let it turn into only way to interract with people. Just saying from my personal experience. There is whole other life outside this small corner and trust me It's waiting for you to deiscover it. Cheers!
-RDs