Mar. 27 | Flying

I am writing this many thousands of feet up in the air, having left my homeland of the States for Italy again. We are SO back.

First stop was San Francisco, where I had the chance to crash with the truly luminous Eguy for a couple days. Him and his family was undoubtedly the brighter highlight than the Bay Area—though, to be fair, I've never been much of a touristy tourist. Our time together ranged from indulging in pulled pork mac 'n' cheese, to rehearsing with their kids choir, to their introduction of the extraordinary Sherlock.

Wasn't smart enough to get any pictures together though. Just a couple of his left foot.Another main incentive for flying out of San Francisco—rather than my beloved Seattle—was the opportunity to have a coffee in Rome with a dear friend whom I shared an apartment with in Lecce last summer, before continuing on to Siena for my spring term. She, somehow, speaks less English than I do Italian. We'll see how that plays out in person after almost a year apart.

All of my plane-ing and train-ing, a combined 18 hours or so of traveling just by transportation, and my strategy to avoid jet lag is simply not sleeping at all. It feels terrible, but man, it works. The goal is to crash harder than ever when dusk falls in the new timezone—think about it like pulling an all-nighter, but a few of those hours only happened for you.

I hope this spring term is as exciting as I'm expecting it to be. Beyond the obvious thrill of spending yet another three months in a foreign country—after being home for just as long—I no longer feel the pressure of my latest videos consuming the majority of my free time before a deadline. I want to return to writing music again, teach my fellow students how to dance, drop far too much money exploring more of Italy, and live my life on the trains. God, I wish the States had that last one.

But perhaps what has captured me internally the most right now is the decision several months ago to finally come out as non-binary (implying usage of the appropriate pronouns too). It's been a very drawn-out process, finding the ways I feel most comfortable presenting myself, and bringing this online I've intentionally been very hesitant with. Do you all deserve this? Do I deserve this? Does telling the online world of my personal security in ambiguity make my life better? I can't quite explain why a bunch of faceless strangers having this information is scarier than the people I physically surround myself with, but I wanted it to happen eventually anyway.

For some, this might feel reminiscent of past events, a comparison I'd strongly prefer to leave untouched. That time, that version of myself, I just don't take very seriously (I guess I was 15, after all), aside from serving as a reminder of the patience I wish I'd had in exploring myself. As I've watched others navigate their own journeys over the years, I've tried to be more mindful of honoring their wishes. Sometimes it's still a work in progress. I don't ask for much in how people treat me, but this one's pretty important to me.

And with that, I think it's best if I'm off for a while. Here's to a safe landing.

Good read. Glad you had fun with Eguy!

I hardly think there's such a thing as "dropping way too much money exploring Italy." It's ITALY. If you can afford it, and you have the opportunity, it's a wonderful thing to do. My family went there in 2015 but I stayed behind—someday I'd like to go to Europe. Railway travel makes it all the more appealing. As someone who can't drive, boy do I wish trains were the standard form of transportation here.

That's interesting what you say about coming out as nonbinary being scarier on here than it was in real life. Maybe because this community was where you grew up, so many of us have known you for a very long time? I don't know. And honestly I don't really care how you identify, you're just fun to talk to, your levels are incredible, and you're a valuable member of this community, and that's what matters to me.

oh my god i thought you were dead for a second

naur