Sep. 23 | Routine to continue, continue to routine.
The role model that I'd like to be for myself is multi-faceted, and my nature in being a young adult seems to prioritize the striving of perfection in that pretty immensely. It's exhausting, unfortunately, but along with that comes the goal to ease that process as much as I can: trying to wake up every morning with the energy to fulfill myself enough by the end of the day, and setting up to do it again the day after.
It feels unpleasantly honest, but correct nonetheless, to say that waking up just sort of sucks some days. I've dealt with episodes of depression before (or rather, times when common symptoms for such seemed to be abundant), oftentimes that come with the colder seasons, but not to say there haven't been occasions caused by some heavy-hearted event or simply coming out of nowhere. Sometimes I have days that take the wind out of me so profoundly that the accompanying state of lethargy is carried into the next morning and beyond. I can't always escape the nights where I go to bed feeling so distant from myself that waking up just doesn't sound too favorable when that time would come (this is not alluding to the thought of suicide in any capacity).
Definitely a bit of a doom-and-gloom way to begin - I apologize - but it sets up my excitement of the promising remedies I've eagerly been coming across in recent times. The past couple years or so have seen some unfortunate spells of poor mental health, and I've never been very good at finding the right help for those times. I have a tendency to not even ask for help from others, because I want to prepare for future instances of said poor spells and not feel like I'm left in the dark if there's no one around. On the other side, keeping to myself and sitting alone in my head has become an alternative that I have been trying to turn into a last resort instead of a first when I'm feeling pretty low.
Having a healthy mind is apparently all the rage these days, and there's really no way for me to fully elaborate how much more time recently I've spent in thought and trying to be more self-aware. However, I was caught completely off-guard by the quiet emergence of routine. Checkboxes to a daily schedule that I had maybe played with in the past, and have since made more of an effort to cross off regularly. There's that saying, "a healthy mind in a healthy body" - clearly I wasn't giving enough attention to the latter half.
Over only the past couple months, I've taken up a more thorough skincare routine, now tending myself both in the morning and at night. I've had an annoyingly on-and-off relationship with exercising, but I've pushed myself to run in the evening three times a week and it's become something of a habit of relief. Every morning after I wake up, and every night before I go to sleep, and even when I have a few minutes during the day, I stretch for a while. I've done my best to sleep at least eight hours a night, and the naps I take during the day have become very few and far between.
Of course, it's never perfect. It is hard to do the same thing over and over again, practicing anything of a daily occurrence just to set oneself up for the next day. It can feel like a marathon where the feeling of passing the halfway mark seems non-existent, and taking five seconds to catch a breath can easily ask for a minute to get back up to speed.
When it works though, it feels fantastic. I feel like I'm in a healthier body, which will naturally contribute to a healthier mind. The more I age through my 20's (god help me), and as my parents have faded out from being the ones asking if I've eaten at least twice that day, I've come to appreciate self-driven routine as much as any functioning adult should. I've also had the joy of experiencing an even greater appreciation for everyone handling the same efforts. There's plenty that others do on a consistent schedule that just aren't for me, but it's nice to find appreciation in what I don't personally indulge in.
What I think is the best part of it all though, is that I stay out of my head more often and I have more to look forward to that never feels too far away. I battle with what sometimes feels like a plethora of insecurities - socially, mentally, and physically - but I find that I'm much less worried about going to sleep surrounded by spiraling thoughts when I have my skincare and stretching routines to get to before I lie down. At the very least, my self-criticism has been coming in at safer times during the day, and most importantly when it won't completely shut me down. I won't say that negative reflection is particularly an enjoyable experience, but it's felt a lot less bullying and infinitely more tolerable.
That perfect role-model for myself is unachievable, as irritating as that reality can be, but nowadays I'm finding that it's not as draining to strive for as it has been in the past. For whatever reason, it's still worth trying.
It feels unpleasantly honest, but correct nonetheless, to say that waking up just sort of sucks some days. I've dealt with episodes of depression before (or rather, times when common symptoms for such seemed to be abundant), oftentimes that come with the colder seasons, but not to say there haven't been occasions caused by some heavy-hearted event or simply coming out of nowhere. Sometimes I have days that take the wind out of me so profoundly that the accompanying state of lethargy is carried into the next morning and beyond. I can't always escape the nights where I go to bed feeling so distant from myself that waking up just doesn't sound too favorable when that time would come (this is not alluding to the thought of suicide in any capacity).
Definitely a bit of a doom-and-gloom way to begin - I apologize - but it sets up my excitement of the promising remedies I've eagerly been coming across in recent times. The past couple years or so have seen some unfortunate spells of poor mental health, and I've never been very good at finding the right help for those times. I have a tendency to not even ask for help from others, because I want to prepare for future instances of said poor spells and not feel like I'm left in the dark if there's no one around. On the other side, keeping to myself and sitting alone in my head has become an alternative that I have been trying to turn into a last resort instead of a first when I'm feeling pretty low.
Having a healthy mind is apparently all the rage these days, and there's really no way for me to fully elaborate how much more time recently I've spent in thought and trying to be more self-aware. However, I was caught completely off-guard by the quiet emergence of routine. Checkboxes to a daily schedule that I had maybe played with in the past, and have since made more of an effort to cross off regularly. There's that saying, "a healthy mind in a healthy body" - clearly I wasn't giving enough attention to the latter half.
Over only the past couple months, I've taken up a more thorough skincare routine, now tending myself both in the morning and at night. I've had an annoyingly on-and-off relationship with exercising, but I've pushed myself to run in the evening three times a week and it's become something of a habit of relief. Every morning after I wake up, and every night before I go to sleep, and even when I have a few minutes during the day, I stretch for a while. I've done my best to sleep at least eight hours a night, and the naps I take during the day have become very few and far between.
Of course, it's never perfect. It is hard to do the same thing over and over again, practicing anything of a daily occurrence just to set oneself up for the next day. It can feel like a marathon where the feeling of passing the halfway mark seems non-existent, and taking five seconds to catch a breath can easily ask for a minute to get back up to speed.
When it works though, it feels fantastic. I feel like I'm in a healthier body, which will naturally contribute to a healthier mind. The more I age through my 20's (god help me), and as my parents have faded out from being the ones asking if I've eaten at least twice that day, I've come to appreciate self-driven routine as much as any functioning adult should. I've also had the joy of experiencing an even greater appreciation for everyone handling the same efforts. There's plenty that others do on a consistent schedule that just aren't for me, but it's nice to find appreciation in what I don't personally indulge in.
What I think is the best part of it all though, is that I stay out of my head more often and I have more to look forward to that never feels too far away. I battle with what sometimes feels like a plethora of insecurities - socially, mentally, and physically - but I find that I'm much less worried about going to sleep surrounded by spiraling thoughts when I have my skincare and stretching routines to get to before I lie down. At the very least, my self-criticism has been coming in at safer times during the day, and most importantly when it won't completely shut me down. I won't say that negative reflection is particularly an enjoyable experience, but it's felt a lot less bullying and infinitely more tolerable.
That perfect role-model for myself is unachievable, as irritating as that reality can be, but nowadays I'm finding that it's not as draining to strive for as it has been in the past. For whatever reason, it's still worth trying.
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