Publicity is a Curse

I just got back from a summer camp. I did not particularly care to go to this summer camp prior to going. But now that I have gone and come back, I wish it had not ended. I did not want to stay for the activities. I did not want to stay for the food (which was quite nice, mind you). I did not want to stay for the simple fact that it was away from home. I wanted to stay more so for the simple fact that I got to spend all day everyday with people. Mind you, I did not know these people that well before I camped with them. But I got to know so many of them and they got to know me, and that is the most important ideal for me personally. I really enjoyed the fellowship that we shared, and I made a lot of friends - in fact, all I wanted for this trip was to make friends and share my life with new people. That happened. And it kept happening every day.

Unfortunately, that temporary reality comes to an abrupt conclusion when you finally make your way back home. I have to continue on with my normal life now, but I'm really having a hard time doing that. This is the first time in my life that I have a constant and sudden urge to be out in public, and it's really screwing with the regular appeals of my otherwise everyday life. It makes me want to be closer and closer to my goal, and that much more. My ultimate goal has yet to achieve a tentative date, but that is my ultimate goal. I'm going to another week-long camp, but this one is going to be way different. It will be the same camp I went to two years ago with my youth group. This time, however, the standards will be quite different.

When I go to a camp (I only really go on week-long camps), I strive to get something out of it. So far, I have achieved something at every single one, and everything that I've gotten out of these camps was influential. Some things were temporary based on circumstance (two years ago, yes), and some had very lasting effects (I never blogged about Camp Loucon, did I?). Back in 2012 (the year I was homeschooled, remember), I longed for a breakthrough in social skills, since I had been pretty awkward what with being alone for such an extended period of time. That camp year worked its wonders. This year - in fact, just this past week - I went to a completely different camp that made my fully realize that publicity is a curse, by showing me how much I really do want to be in public.

Next week, I'm going to the same camp as I did in 2012 and with the same group. However, my expectations are much different. I was indifferent at first to going to this camp, but I am actually very excited.... to get it over with. There is a cliché saying that reads "There is a time and a place for everything." Well, perhaps this will be the time to spill the beans about my graduation statistics. In fact, it is time. This is the only opportunity I will have to reunite with a majority of my peers from school. Thus, I should take advantage of it by moving forward. This camp will be more relaxed than last week's, but the stakes are still high for personal ordeals. May God be with me.

Oh, and then there's Camp Loucon again in October - unbelievably the most exciting and most personally inspiring camp I've ever been to. It is a true home away from home that I shall blog about on a later date.

Glad to see u had such an awesome time! For some reason I always have the most fun on camps/party's and such whenever I don't expect anything of it, or actually don't really feel like going.

"Unfortunately, that temporary reality comes to an abrupt conclusion when you finally make your way back home. I have to continue on with my normal life now, but I'm really having a hard time doing that."
In my own experience whenever I learn a new perspective or a new side of myself, it always takes some time to sink in, to become an integrated part of my personality. Hence it will always (well, always, it doesn't happen that much) make u rethink the way you live your normal life.

I wouldn't say: 'Publicity is a Curse'. It is, however a side of yourself you didn't think/realize u had. I think it's a part of growing as a person, and that's always a good thing .

Glad to see you are able to relate. Hehe yeah I always knew that I enjoyed the public, but I guess this showed me that side of myself a bit more. It made me feel like I was somewhere I belonged, since every time I spoke I felt like I was contributing to my purpose in life.

In my specific circumstances, I classify publicity as a curse because I am not able to be in public as much as I want to be, nor am I able to get where I want in a reasonable time frame. Thus, I guess you could say it's a cursed wonder of sorts, since I really strive for it, but have yet to get to it.