4. My Problems with Marble Blast
I've been playing this game for nearly 10 years now. However, sometimes it wears on me. Both being in the community and actually playing the game can sometimes be more negative than positive, and I'll explain that in greater detail.
As many of you probably know, I, like so many others, played the game for many years before I made an account online—five years in my case, and six before I actively joined the community. At the time (February 2015), it seemed like a warm and welcoming place. People were open to talk for the most part, and although they no doubt noticed that I had a major lack of maturity, they still made me feel accepted into their virtual home. As time went on however, particularly after the creation of Nobody's Discord server in May 2016, being in the community began to be more stressful than enjoyable for me. Many of you will say, justifiably so, that I have "no sense of fun" due to my complete lack of interest in the types of humor that go on here, and that stems from simply always being the type of person to think very logically and not understand any point in saying anything that you wouldn't normally say in a real life conversation. Naturally, I assumed, from an overly idealistic standpoint of course, people would act online just as they normally do, staying true to their character. I naïvely didn't see any reason not to follow this way of thinking, not realizing that some people join online communities to escape bad things that may be happening in their lives, or else just to meet new people and experiment with acting differently themselves, to possibly develop their personality in preparation for later life. (Of course, some people on the internet are also just trolls, but that doesn't apply to many.)
I'm probably overthinking this a great deal. But those are the types of thoughts that come to mind when thinking back and trying to pinpoint the reason (or reasons) why it has steadily been growing less and less fulfilling to be here. Now that's not me saying that I'm leaving, but remember that if you think someone is irritable or annoying or even just outright mean, there is probably more to their story than you considered, and you may want to take that into account.
Some of you may remember when I left the community Discord server in June of 2018. I didn't really give an explanation for this, unless people asked in DMs, so I owe it to you to provide a reason for taking nearly six months away from it. In addition to what I said above, about people often being insensitive towards or intolerant of one another, and what felt like very few real conversations and little of substance to be gleaned from being there, I also wanted to focus on my real life. My sister had just gotten back from Scotland at that point, and she was in a pretty deep depression, so I wanted to support her as best I could through that. In addition, I had barely two more months left before my first semester of college, and the Discord server was demanding a lot of my social energy (which is always limited). I decided that the best course of action would be to leave the server so that I could dedicate that energy to the time left with my friends and to trying to make new ones at college.
I had misgivings about returning to the server, even for a little while. The only reason I did eventually join again, in the beginning of January, was because I was so ridiculously bored, being on winter break. Although I don't think it's as—to be blunt—unenjoyable as it was before, now that I'm back at school I don't see that much of a point in being there at all. Once again I want to dedicate most of my time that's not spent in class or with homework to trying to be more outgoing socially.
And not playing Marble Blast. That brings me to my other point: Marble Blast itself can be annoying at times. At the very least, it doesn't help me with being more social. At its worst, it can make me feel quite angry at myself for spending more time than I should on my computer (mainly playing Marble Blast) rather than talking to or playing games with people. But that's not the only reason it can irritate me sometimes. I've always felt a lot of pressure from being in the community that I should play the game a certain way—be it playing more multiplayer, playing longer levels, MBP/PQ/customs, RTAs, or building levels. This pressure takes away enjoyment of the game for me, because I want to be able to play this game for fun, not for fulfilling someone else's idea of how an idealistic player should play the game. I don't want there to be a lot of negativity associated with Marble Blast in my head, which is why maybe being free from the voice in the back of my head telling me to do as other people say (for I am naturally a very submissive person) would keep that negativity at bay.
Finally, just a quick side note: I'm always very embarrassed whenever I tell people in real life—or even over text—that I play this game, because it seems like such a brain-numbing and childish thing to do, and people needn't think that all I do is roll a marble around all day. That won't contribute much to social success in college, so I try not to mention it to people. But it would also help if I didn't play it nearly as much as I do now.
That's it for today, but maybe I'll make another topic this week about college if anyone is curious. I hope this wasn't too negative, but it's a weight off my chest.
As many of you probably know, I, like so many others, played the game for many years before I made an account online—five years in my case, and six before I actively joined the community. At the time (February 2015), it seemed like a warm and welcoming place. People were open to talk for the most part, and although they no doubt noticed that I had a major lack of maturity, they still made me feel accepted into their virtual home. As time went on however, particularly after the creation of Nobody's Discord server in May 2016, being in the community began to be more stressful than enjoyable for me. Many of you will say, justifiably so, that I have "no sense of fun" due to my complete lack of interest in the types of humor that go on here, and that stems from simply always being the type of person to think very logically and not understand any point in saying anything that you wouldn't normally say in a real life conversation. Naturally, I assumed, from an overly idealistic standpoint of course, people would act online just as they normally do, staying true to their character. I naïvely didn't see any reason not to follow this way of thinking, not realizing that some people join online communities to escape bad things that may be happening in their lives, or else just to meet new people and experiment with acting differently themselves, to possibly develop their personality in preparation for later life. (Of course, some people on the internet are also just trolls, but that doesn't apply to many.)
I'm probably overthinking this a great deal. But those are the types of thoughts that come to mind when thinking back and trying to pinpoint the reason (or reasons) why it has steadily been growing less and less fulfilling to be here. Now that's not me saying that I'm leaving, but remember that if you think someone is irritable or annoying or even just outright mean, there is probably more to their story than you considered, and you may want to take that into account.
Some of you may remember when I left the community Discord server in June of 2018. I didn't really give an explanation for this, unless people asked in DMs, so I owe it to you to provide a reason for taking nearly six months away from it. In addition to what I said above, about people often being insensitive towards or intolerant of one another, and what felt like very few real conversations and little of substance to be gleaned from being there, I also wanted to focus on my real life. My sister had just gotten back from Scotland at that point, and she was in a pretty deep depression, so I wanted to support her as best I could through that. In addition, I had barely two more months left before my first semester of college, and the Discord server was demanding a lot of my social energy (which is always limited). I decided that the best course of action would be to leave the server so that I could dedicate that energy to the time left with my friends and to trying to make new ones at college.
I had misgivings about returning to the server, even for a little while. The only reason I did eventually join again, in the beginning of January, was because I was so ridiculously bored, being on winter break. Although I don't think it's as—to be blunt—unenjoyable as it was before, now that I'm back at school I don't see that much of a point in being there at all. Once again I want to dedicate most of my time that's not spent in class or with homework to trying to be more outgoing socially.
And not playing Marble Blast. That brings me to my other point: Marble Blast itself can be annoying at times. At the very least, it doesn't help me with being more social. At its worst, it can make me feel quite angry at myself for spending more time than I should on my computer (mainly playing Marble Blast) rather than talking to or playing games with people. But that's not the only reason it can irritate me sometimes. I've always felt a lot of pressure from being in the community that I should play the game a certain way—be it playing more multiplayer, playing longer levels, MBP/PQ/customs, RTAs, or building levels. This pressure takes away enjoyment of the game for me, because I want to be able to play this game for fun, not for fulfilling someone else's idea of how an idealistic player should play the game. I don't want there to be a lot of negativity associated with Marble Blast in my head, which is why maybe being free from the voice in the back of my head telling me to do as other people say (for I am naturally a very submissive person) would keep that negativity at bay.
Finally, just a quick side note: I'm always very embarrassed whenever I tell people in real life—or even over text—that I play this game, because it seems like such a brain-numbing and childish thing to do, and people needn't think that all I do is roll a marble around all day. That won't contribute much to social success in college, so I try not to mention it to people. But it would also help if I didn't play it nearly as much as I do now.
That's it for today, but maybe I'll make another topic this week about college if anyone is curious. I hope this wasn't too negative, but it's a weight off my chest.
