Marble Blast Speedrunning: An Epiphany

    Heyo, bit uncharacteristic of me to be making a forum post like this, but I don’t know of a better place to express my thoughts on this matter publicly. 
    
     I’ve been speedrunning this stupid little children's ball game since late 2018, a whopping 6 and a half years. At that point in my life, I had recently just started college, and now I’m about to graduate with a Bachelor’s after what feels like an eternity. Safe to say that Marble Blast has been a defining part of my college years, for better or worse. You might think that I am announcing my retirement from speedrunning by this point, but no, that isn’t what I want to convey with this post, nor is it my intention. What I want to convey is a sad realization that I had to come to recently, one that involves giving up on probably the biggest goal I wanted to achieve while in this community. Before I get into that, I do wanna dedicate some time towards writing about all the relevant points of my speedrunning/Marble Blast career that ultimately led me to this point. It’s going to be quite a trip down memory lane, but hopefully you’ll bear with me while I get this out of the way. If you wanna skip over that, you can skip to after the dashed line.

     Like most people, I was exposed to Marble Blast Gold (MBG) while I was very young, and that little voice in my head reminding me about this game never went away by the time I started college, so I kept playing offline, only joining the community when I wanted a bug on the PQ Bonus level “Perserverence” to be fixed so I could continue my progress offline. I have to give a huge thanks to Marble it Up (MIU) here, as without the existence of that game, I don’t think I would’ve found the Marble Blast Community, as at the time the discord link was only available in webchat, very difficult to stumble across if you never made an account. It was thanks to MIU that my “speedrunning journey” in Marble Blast, unbeknownst to me, would slowly but surely start to take shape.

     At some point in late December 2018, I started playing on the leaderboards online, and I had to get back all of the progress I had made offline, much to my dismay. It was at this point that I started to breeze through the Gold and Ultra levels like it was nothing, and also when I discovered the existence of “Awesome Times” (ATs) with PQ levels, secret challenge times that weren’t shown to you until you beat it. I didn’t think I would get any of them any time soon, but while going through the PQ levels, I was beyond thrilled when I got El Titiritero’s AT by my pure pathfinding ability at the time, with nothing to guide me. I was so excited that I told my former friend about it, even though she didn’t know the significance of it. I later got Deep Space Morphway as my 2nd AT, along with Race to the Top as my 3rd AT as well, much to my surprise. Half Pipe Leap of Faith took me a whole evening of route planning, but I eventually got that as my 4th AT. At some point while getting these ATs, I had the idea of making a compilation video of my AT runs, as I viewed them as massive accomplishments at the time, and I had recently learned how to use Sony Vegas for a project I had to do in one of my classes. I was going to make the video, and then came Quest Ring… my 5th AT. 

    I didn’t understand why, but something about that level felt very replayable even after I got AT., I didn’t have this experience while playing the level offline; hell, I pretty much forgot it was a level before that point. Before I knew it, I ended up getting 3rd place after about an hour or so of grinding. It felt surreal to me, the fact that I got so close (rank-wise) to WR. A few weeks ago, I didn’t see myself getting an AT, let alone getting such a good time on a relatively obscure level. After showing my time in the discord I eventually got convinced to go for WR, with Battlecube even showing me a video of the 2nd place run to help me out (WR replays weren’t publicly viewable at the time, so I couldn’t use that as a reference). After 4 tough days of grinding, I pulled through.

 

    If I was excited for just getting my first AT, I’m sure you can imagine how I felt getting my first ever WR. It wasn’t just the WR I was happy about though, it was the fact that my soon-to-be video would be infinitely better with a WR showcased there. It’s funny looking back on Satisfying Runs 1 today, as I was scared of my video being struck down by copyright, leading to me using some basic ass music that I would never use now, but at the time I viewed it as a work of art. That fear would be almost gone come later compilations though, which led to music choices that fit more with my taste in music. 

    As 2019 progressed, I eventually grew to be a better speedrunner as well, getting a few more WRs throughout the year and showcasing them all in my Satisfying Runs videos. I wasn’t quite a top-tier speedrunner just yet, but I was getting there. Being a better speedrunner has its tradeoffs though. While your videos jump in quality (due to the runs being better), you end up taking longer to make them just because the runs are more optimized and harder to pull off. I realized this pretty early on when I only took about a few weeks to make Satisfying Runs 1 and 2, and about 2.5 months for Satisfying Runs 5, but it wasn’t anything terrible (yet). Of course, I have obligations outside of Marble Blast, so naturally, that would be the biggest contributor to the time in between compilations. Even so, I still wanted to make more, as I felt this was only the beginning for me.

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    It was around early 2020, at some point while I was getting the runs I needed for Satisfying Runs 6, that I began to toy around with a very, very ambitious idea in my head.

 

    What you see here is a spreadsheet I made around a year or so ago to document all my progress towards these two videos (I used my personal server on Discord before this), separated by gem hunt levels (#9) and normal levels (#10, the finale). The original purpose of this series, formerly called AT Compilations, was to document my progress towards getting all the ATs in PQ, and I would order the runs in both videos based on the order in which I got the ATs to honor my original purpose, hence the weird ordering on the sheet. Up until this point, I have only shown snippets of Satisfying Runs 9, showing only what was relevant so as not to give away what I was planning to do with the runs, so admittedly it feels weird putting it all on full display here. 

    My main motivation for making Marble Blast videos was to eventually make something that feels just as impactful as Matan’s MBG Movie. That video single-handedly shaped my taste in music today (apart from weeb shit), and was the most memorable marble blast video for me as a child, and I wanted to make something that would be remembered just as fondly. It’s a purely selfish motive, but one I was willing to see through to the end at the time. Nockess was also a pretty big inspiration for me as well when I was a new member, making banger after banger despite being at his lowest point reputation-wise. As I got better and better as a player heading into 2021, my dream of creating a video of MBG Movie/Nockess MBCL 20 caliber felt more and more realistic, and I was more motivated than ever to try to achieve that goal.

     While I always had these two videos (Satisfying Runs 9 & 10) in mind as my end goal for speedrunning, there were always several side goals that would take time away from speedrunning the normal PQ levels. Things such as the various rampages I took part in, MIU stuff, Multiplayer, and IRL things would all take time away from this goal of mine, resulting in significantly fewer runs finished for Satisfying Runs 10 than I would’ve liked at this point. Satisfying Runs 9 might look like the closest to being finished, but trust me, even if I achieved my goals on Skate Park Square and Maximo Center, I’d probably still want to do more, especially get rid of the PBs I’m neutral on. I would be okay with doing this since singleplayer gem hunt is fun for me, despite the bad rep it gets. It’s more fun than doing real speedruns just because every run feels fresh, and I’m not doing the same inputs over and over again. As a result, I’ve spent most of my time on the singleplayer gem hunt video and it shows.

    Beyond 2021 though, things would start to sort of plateau for me in terms of my speedrunning career. I’ve improved in my speedrunning abilities since then, but nothing like the spikes I saw earlier; they were more slow and steady increases. The rate at which I would get WRs or set PBs would also start to decline at this time. Nowadays, it's not surprising to see a new and unique WR from me every few months, compared to every 4 days at best. I’ve gotten busier, no doubt about that, but like I mentioned before, I ended up getting sidetracked with things that would distract me from this grand goal of mine. Despite this, I would still try and work up the courage to work on this project of mine whenever I could and felt like it.

    Jumping forward to today, I’m still nowhere close to being done with both videos, but I’d be hard pressed to discuss this topic without addressing the catalyst for my epiphany: Powerjohn overtaking me for the #1 spot on the PQ levels. “So… you’re just a sad little bitch boy over someone taking your unimportant rank in a video game that you only got because gem hunt levels give too much rating?” I’d be lying if I said if I said I wasn’t at least a little bummed out, but overall I feel that PJ deserves it more than I do. I was watching as he slowly but steadily crept his way up to me. I was grinding Minute Minute (one of the better PQ levels imo), struggling to even be on pace with Xelna for his elevator cycle on that level. I eventually grinded it less and less in favor of playing multiplayer with ShadowVisions and others more, but as PJ kept getting closer and closer, I wanted to at least put up somewhat of a fight… but I just couldn’t. I found myself not having the drive to compete against him, finish my Minute Minute grind, or even play a different PQ level to thwart his attempt at overtaking me. All I could do was watch as the inevitable unfolded. Like I said, though, PJ fully deserves his spot, and I don’t want this to undermine his accomplishment. He is a more consistent player than I am as far as normal levels go, and has more time on his hands. You could argue that me being burned out from normal PQ levels is just a phase, and who knows, it might be, but I’ve had a bunch of these “phases” where I was just not interested in grinding normal PQ levels. My main motivator for grinding PQ was for my grand finale of the Satisfying Runs series, and while I watched as PJ climbed and climbed, I started to wonder if I was lying to myself about how much I loved speedrunning. Not to say I don’t want anything to do with speedrunning again, if my Marble Blast Synergy video is anything to go by, but maybe I just like new frontiers more than levels with rich history attached to them, so to speak. 

    PJ overtaking my #1 spot goes beyond just a simple rank on a leaderboard, as I hope I have conveyed by now. It calls into question whether my grand goal of making what is essentially a glorified Marble Blast AMV (google that term if you don’t know what it means) is even worth it, both from a motivational standpoint, as well as a logistical one. I touched upon PJ’s consistency as a reason why he deserves the #1 spot more than me, and I want to expand on that. Consistency is something that I’ve been frustrated with more and more in recent times. I feel like it is a common trap for especially the best of the best to fall into, where if a speedrun is taking way too long to grind to perfection, they will crash out and give up on that goal, frustrated that they couldn’t achieve their goal quickly like they usually do. I thought this was where I had a leg up on those people, until more recently. I remember grinding Hydropower in 2023 and being frustrated that I couldn’t get my ideal run as quickly as I felt like I should have. I eventually got the run after weeks, a 1:53, but after all was said and done, it felt more bittersweet than anything. Then Xedron comes along a few months later and gets a 1:55 in what felt like 2 days. I was floored that he could get so close to WR (1:51) on a long and complicated level in such a short amount of time, and I wished I had his consistency. When I saw August blasting through Custom Pack 8, picking up a level for the first time and getting WR on the same day, I’m left wondering “How tf does he do that??” Yes, I know Pack 8 is a more recent addition to PQ and thus less optimized, but I’m not able to blaze through that pack as quickly as him even if I tried. Going back to my own runs, I was frustrated when I took so long to get Three Fold Race in MBU due to a retarded trim bug that I constantly had to look out for, I was frustrated when I took literal months to get sub 18 Three Fold Maze in MBG, I was frustrated when Unstable Islands took me a week instead of 2 days, and now, I’m frustrated that I couldn’t get a run of Minute Minute on the Xelna cycle even while omitting one or two 5 second Time Travels in a reasonable timeframe. I’m also frustrated that I can’t do Natural Jump starts, how it has come so easily to everyone else who was used to the Kalle start, but me. Above all else though… I am frustrated that my lack of consistency has contributed to the slow progress towards finishing my Satisfying Runs series. If Xedron can release his Leaderboards custom movie 3 video in only a few months, and if August can breeze through Pack 8 and release his video after only a few months, then what is the point of finishing my own video if I can’t reach my goals for each level as fast as them? This wouldn’t affect me in any normal circumstances, but because my end goal is making a huge compilation of runs, it does.

    “Mazik, take as long as you need, don’t focus on how fast other people are going.” I wish I could do this, believe me, I really do, if it weren’t for the fact that the leaderboards change and see new strategies develop for each level and become more optimized, I would have a much easier time doing this. As my motivation for PQ levels comes and goes, and as my consistency with pulling off highly optimized runs continues to be my weak point, the ever-changing landscape of speedrunning will always remain a looming threat towards my goal. I cannot simply “take my time,” that's what I’ve been doing, and I have not made any substantial progress towards finishing Satisfying Runs 10. Taking my time will only result in this video taking 20 years to finish, and I do not have that amount of time available. I also cannot settle for subpar runs or runs with obsolete strategies, as I would be left disappointed that the video was not the best it could be. On top of me having less free time than before, it becomes imperative that I get the times I want quickly. One other thing that I want to bring up related to doing things fast, thanks to my Synergy video, I’ve realized that I have gotten significantly pickier with my song choices. That video only has 4 songs, and yet it took me 2 months to find what fit well with each of the runs, and even then, I wasn’t completely happy with the last song, but I had to compromise because it was taking too long. Imagine this, but on a larger scale… even in a future where I completed all my runs, the rate at which I choose songs for my videos will push back the release much further than I would like, giving people time to develop new paths or tweaks to existing levels, and while not making my video obsolete, I will think of it as the tiniest of stains, that I used an obsolete strategy, even if it was optimal when I did the run. Part of the problem is that I don’t exactly have a centralized place where I can choose the songs I want. I have a playlist on YouTube dedicated to this, but there isn’t too much there outside of “must-use songs” that I have in mind. That leaves me with mostly Spotify to help me choose, but the problem is I rarely follow artists or save specific albums, or even have my own playlists outside of “Liked Songs,” so I tend to have a bias towards whatever I’m listening to as of recent. I had a solution in mind for this problem, but then came my epiphany.

    If you’ve read this far, it will come as a surprise to no one that I plan on giving up on ever making Satisfying Runs 10. Part of me feels cringe for even considering the thought of giving up on a glorified Marble Blast AMV to be sad, but when it's been something I’ve been working towards for most of my marble career, I can’t help but feel that way. It also feels very weird announcing this when I have not once said anything about this goal of mine, even in offshoot servers, and I’m half expecting someone to go “who tf asked?” but a part of me just wanted to gather my thoughts in written form. As I detailed above, lack of motivation as well as logistical problems have all culminated in me coming to this conclusion, while PJ was slowly working towards overtaking me. 

    My epiphany truly brought to my attention the various issues that arise from trying to make a video with the best runs I can offer, especially on the scale that I am trying to go for, while trying to race against time. 139 runs that all need to be the absolute best they can be is not easy, even for the best speedrunners. But beyond that, my epiphany also raises the question of, if not my Satisfying Runs series, what do I want to be remembered most for? What do I want my legacy to be when I decide to step away from the game altogether? As of now, my legacy seems to be “singleplayer hunt guy,” which… I mean, sure, that's something, I guess, but given that a majority of the people hate the mode and actively wish it never existed, it feels like more of a meme status than anything. That's not to say people don’t remember me for my actual speedruns, but singleplayer hunt is far and away the first thing people have in mind. I could lean into this and full send trying to finish Satisfying Runs 9, hence why I didn’t specifically say I was giving up on that video, but even if I do, I will probably be left feeling hollow, as I have only completed half of what I set out to do, the only half that no one cares about, so it won’t be a video that everyone will remember. Thankfully, this isn’t the only route I can go down; I’ve also had great success participating in the multiplayer scene, being widely regarded as one of the best in the scene right now and worthy of winning the 2025 summer tournament. If I do win, I guess that's one more thing people can think of when they think of me, although I’m not counting on it personally. The options don’t just stop there, but those are the two most prominent routes I can see myself going down, since I will be deliberately spending less time speedrunning in the future, now that I don’t have the weight of Satisfying Runs 10 on my shoulders. Not surprisingly, they both involve gem hunt, and that's what keeps me motivated to play PQ at the current moment, but who knows what the future will hold in terms of my legacy. Maybe I’ll be thrown a surprise or two while I try and figure out exactly what I want to be known for beyond singleplayer hunt.

    Some final comments I want to make: While I may not be doing real speedruns as much anymore, I will probably want to finish off MB Synergy whenever the creator releases more levels and eventually finishes his mod, although the timeline for that is unclear at the moment. I also still have plans to land the Treacherous Pits (PQ Bonus) route that I have long theorized was possible since 2021. It will certainly be one of the hardest runs I have ever done in my speedrunning career, but me wanting to land that route goes beyond my former goal of trying to make Satisfying Runs 10 the best it can be. It was a route people deemed to be “impossible” up until last year when I showed that making it up the elevator in the way I wanted to do it was possible, and it would be a great conclusion to that grind if I can land that route. 

   Throughout this long and drawn-out thought piece, I’ve been very doom and gloom about my skill, especially when I compared myself to others earlier. If anyone decides to respond to this, try to keep pity compliments about my skill to a minimum, as my skill as a speedrunner in relation to others, on its own, is not why I’m upset. I know what I am capable of, and I have long accepted that I will never be on the same level as people like Xedron, Xelna, August, or PJ. I’m only upset that my skillset, combined with my motivation, and time not being on my side, doesn’t lend itself well to creating Satisfying Runs 10 in a realistic timeframe, and is why I had to make the difficult decision of scrapping the idea. It pains me that I will never be able to make anything as grand as the MBG Movie, MBCL 20 or 40, Xedron’s Custom Level Movies, August’s Pack 8 Rush, or Xelna’s “Let’s Play MBG” videos, but unfortunately, this is just how life goes. Sometimes dreams have to stay dreams, and sadly, this is just one of those things that I have to let go of. If any of the newer members of the community are reading this, I hope that you eventually reach whatever grander goals you have in mind while being here. Hopefully, you don’t have to reach the same difficult decision I made and can be happy with whatever legacy you have here.
 

Hey Mazik, thanks for sharing and I just had a few comments I wanted to add.

Firstly, congratulations on graduating! That's an incredible achievement and something I hope you can be proud of, even if this matter has been at the forefront of your mind for a bit. 

You already know I think you're a great player, and it's normal to be disappointed and really hard on yourself when you don't achieve your goals, no matter how lofty they might be. It's a characteristic of all the greats in any game or sport- identifying our mistakes and shortcomings is how we are able to further improve in whatever we set our minds to. It's only unhealthy if you let it take over your emotions and life, so be open to reflecting in the future if that does seem to be the case.

In the end, it's up to each of us how we spend our time and what we're motivated to do. Could I have those crazy speedruns that PJ, Xedron and August do regularly? Probably not, but the reason I'm not trying isn't because they're better, it's because I don't find it enjoyable the same way I do multiplayer. Solo hunt can be valuable and fun also, but going for records isn't the most respectful of player's time due to the amount of RNG involved. Motivation can be fickle and we aren't always in control of what interests us- I'm not going to be excited about taking out the trash no matter how efficient I get at it. So if you happen to be motivated on the multiplayer side for now, there's no shame in shifting your focus to that and carving out your legacy in that side of the game.

I really appreciate the chance to play and talk to you whenever we get the opportunity. Let's keep pushing each other and make sure one of us takes it home this summer. Peace!

Thanks SV, we've talked a little about this in DMs already but I may as well reply to the response you gave too.

"It's only unhealthy if you let it take over your emotions and life, so be open to reflecting in the future if that does seem to be the case"

Thankfully it's not that bad; outside circumstances probably require me to cut down on speedrunning anyway, which I didn't exactly outline here, so this is probably a net benefit overall. Even without that though, like I've outlined in my original post, it's just not the most worthwhile thing I could be doing without a boost in my consistency, and idk if I will ever get that boost. Obviously I need to put in the time, but it's probably time I slow down anyway, as 6.5 years is a long time to not just speedrun marble games, but almost exclusively play them.

"...if you happen to be motivated on the multiplayer side for now, there's no shame in shifting your focus to that and carving out your legacy in that side of the game."

Definitely agree, and if I wasn't focused on trying to make Satisfying Runs 10 before, this would be much easier. Now that it's not my end goal, I feel I am more freely able to do this, mentally speaking. This was actually the main reason why I didn't participate in the 2022 and 2023 tournaments. I wanted to put more of my focus into PQ levels and I felt that tournaments would take a lot of valuable time away from that. Speaking of tourneys...

"I really appreciate the chance to play and talk to you whenever we get the opportunity. Let's keep pushing each other and make sure one of us takes it home this summer. Peace!"

HELL YEAH, LETS MAKE THIS YEAR COUNT!

I can relate to a lot of this. It's especially easy to fall into the mental state of "everyone else is getting better and I'm not, so why bother speedrunning anymore?" I don't really have any advice on how to "fix" this (if you even want to call it a problem), since I've been in the same mindset with MBG for many years now. But in general, I try not to force myself to do something I'd rather not do in my free time. If that means not speedrunning the game even though many people have overtaken me, then fine.

Casual multiplayer has really been the best thing to get my mind off of feeling upset at myself for not speedrunning. I can still enjoy the game and play with friends without having the stakes be unhealthily high.

I know it's cliché, but the saying "comparison is the thief of joy" has a lot of truth to it, and I've had to remember that a lot for certain things in my life to not make me miserable. Speedrunning this game is no exception. If someone else can do in two hours what you can do in one week, that just means they're better at that thing, and you certainly have other things that you're better at. Everyone does.

I think one thing that really helped me out with specifically the LCM videos is that I never went into them with the idea of making a compilation in the back of my head, I tried my best to prioritize just straight up having fun over getting a compilation out with specific goals in mind. This doesn't appear to be the case for everyone, especially people like Nockess who sometimes have a clear idea of what they want to do before a single run is even recorded. But just since LCM3 was specifically mentioned in this post, those runs were achieved within a SIX YEAR time span. Sure, I was extra motivated by the end of it to get some big ones like Xployt and Fun Cage, but I would be lying if I thought for a single time during the five years from Covid to the start of 2025 that I would upload another massive compilation. It's never too late to give it another go. Related to this, I've never ever seen an instance of the community being disappointed by a marble blast upload; we just like balls rolling, don't let those negative thoughts ever get to your head!

Additionally, I find the skill level in this game has raised so much since I arrived in 2015. In fact, I know for sure you are a better player right now than I was when I originally "broke on the scene" with the LCM videos. I just happened to get lucky with the abundance of improvements in customs that were left by Xelna's departure and took advantage of that. The scene has changed a lot since then for the better in my eyes, so don't let WR count or leaderboards placement be any indication of how good or bad you are. And most importantly, there are so many other ways to make an impact in this community than just releasing videos and I hope you realize you've done so much in those other avenues. Just never get down on yourselves due to expectations you set on yourself cause what you have published is already fantastically enjoyable in its own way.

I know it's cliché, but the saying "comparison is the thief of joy" has a lot of truth to it, and I've had to remember that a lot for certain things in my life to not make me miserable.

Yeah comparing myself to others definitely doesn't help, but when you're trying to make a video without much time or motivation available, it almost feels impossible to avoid falling into that trap. If I ever do decide to come back to speedrunning PQ levels, I would need some great motivation pushing me towards finishing this grand video. I'm not sure if I'll ever get that, but who knows what the future has in store for me. For now, though, I want to prioritize competitive multiplayer, as I personally see that as more rewarding at the moment.

I think one thing that really helped me out with specifically the LCM videos is that I never went into them with the idea of making a compilation in the back of my head, I tried my best to prioritize just straight up having fun over getting a compilation out with specific goals in mind

I think I did this for Satisfying Runs 8, which was 1 MBU level and Customs. I kinda regret having those levels be apart of the main series just cuz none of the levels were apart of PQ proper, but that's besides the point. I definitely didn't expect to be making a compilation of my custom PBs/WRs after a year or so, but it just happened to go like that. I considered doing the same thing for Marbleland custom levels, back when I was playing them on MBP Haxe port, but even back then (before making my Synergy video), the thought of trying to select songs for that video was daunting to me, and on top of my busy schedule at the time, was the sole reason why I just ended up sending individual runs in the discord instead. I felt bad for Wilchz when he asked if I was making a compilation of them. I'm sure a potential video with those runs would've been great but I knew I just couldn't make the video in a reasonable timeframe.

But just since LCM3 was specifically mentioned in this post, those runs were achieved within a SIX YEAR time span. Sure, I was extra motivated by the end of it to get some big ones like Xployt and Fun Cage, but I would be lying if I thought for a single time during the five years from Covid to the start of 2025 that I would upload another massive compilation.

Yeah I knew while writing that you had runs saved from years back, but in my mind, what matters is that you had your sights set on making a new hour-long video a few months before the release, and you did the majority of the work in those few months, much faster than I could ever do. The few WRs that were years old aren't really part of the equation for me.

I've never ever seen an instance of the community being disappointed by a marble blast upload; we just like balls rolling, don't let those negative thoughts ever get to your head!

Thats true, but no speedrunner uploads anything that they feel doesn't meet their standards. Maybe they'll have to compromise on a few runs not being the best they could be but generally its still good enough quality for people to enjoy them. You have to admit that it would be incredibly out of character for us to upload runs where we just barely get gold times, for example, not without some sort of meme to go along with it at least. I could attempt to finish Satisfying Runs 10 and force myself to have more loose standards, but for that video specifically I can't accept anything that isn't the absolute best I can do. Regardless of how other people think of the video, I just can't feel proud of it if its not my best work. 

...most importantly, there are so many other ways to make an impact in this community than just releasing videos and I hope you realize you've done so much in those other avenues. Just never get down on yourselves due to expectations you set on yourself cause what you have published is already fantastically enjoyable in its own way

Honestly when I read this it felt like it was something I really needed to hear. I'm not counting on winning a summer tournament, even if I am capable, so I felt that a surefire way to create a large impact would be through my PQ speedruns, through Satisfying Runs, since I definitely won't be remembered for building levels or helping dev PQ (I don't do either!). But I often forget that I am more than just my runs or my multiplayer skill, I'm a community member people enjoy talking to, and trust enough to be apart of staff (on Discord) for the time being. It's not often that I get told of my worth here directly, but hearing it from you means a lot to me. 

I saw this post and put off reading it for a while, I'm glad I did. Now that I have here are my thoughts on it. This post put to words something I too have struggled with regarding Marble Blast speedrunning. I'm going to tell my story, not to make this all about me, but to show the parallels in our thinking and I hope to show I understand what you were going through.

Like you I wanted to make an impact on the community with a video that people would remember and that's what my PlatinumQuest Rampage was intended to be, and the community didn't fall in love with it as much as I had hoped which was a tad disappointing. Though, It was liked by all and well loved by some--I was happy with that.

In an effort to correct my perceived error I set out to improve every run of mine in PQ and make PQ Rampage 2. At first I made excellent progress on that, as at the time many of my runs were quite old and new strategies and tricks were discovered and my skill had improved so there was much in the way of easy gains to be made. I went all out on the PQ Tutorial levels, at one point getting top 4 on all but one level (Hunting Around), and the World Record on two of them. But I, like you, saw just how quickly other people were setting their PBs/WRs and I was just paced so much slower in that regard. I couldn't keep up. Pretty soon my top 4s became top 6s, and it felt like my efforts were being erased. I didn't have it in me to give this level of effort for the rest of PQ and slowly gave up the grind. But I didn't give up the goal of making PQR2.

Around that time I was off to university for the last two years of my degree and decided not to bring my MB capable laptop to school, so I went without MB for a while. During the summer between those two years I set the sub 25 on SHC which I'm incredibly proud of and I played a bit of some other levels but that was my last proper grind in my eyes setting what I believe to be my most impressive WR. This grind was different, I wasn't doing it for the top spot or for competitive reasons, I did it because I genuinely enjoyed it. Then came my last year of college and I found myself not missing the game anymore. 

I still loved the game, watched most of the great compilations the community makes, impressed with them all. But in the back of my mind I still had this nagging feeling, "you're still gonna make PQR2, right?" Well, your post here has made me realize that... No, I'm not. I'm not gonna make another 3h+ compilation of PlatinumQuest I've not played it seriously in nearly 2 years. I did recently try the Roguelike levels and those are a lot of fun, but not any serious competitive speedrunning. I've got much real life endeavours to pursue, I don't need PQ anymore. I still love this community and don't plan on leaving it anytime soon, I'll gladly moderate and discuss big changes the community might want to make, but I think my days of playing this game seriously are over, and with it my dream of PQR2. 

I see much of myself in your story Mazik. We had a good run, we gave it our all, gave 110%, and in doing so flew too close to the sun and burnt out. I'll still play casually here and there I'm sure, but trying with all my might to compete with fast times or climbing leaderboards, today I leave that behind. You could call this my retirement or whatever I think that's a silly way to frame it. But I think I'll go back to doing what I did during my SHC grind, doing levels I think are fun because they're fun, not because I have some video to make or some rank to achieve. The runs were the fun part, or were supposed to be. Maybe we just lost sight of that for a while.

Thank you for this post and the opportunity to reflect on these things. 

I remember very clearly when you told me and a few others that you were planning to make a 2nd PQ video Doom. In the back of my mind I thought "oh damn, you have basically the same goal as me" although I never knew the exact motivation for it at the time. I similarly had the same thoughts about your video, "will you ever finish it?" especially when I saw that you were speedrunning significantly less. I thought you were resuming progress on it for real when you started grinding SHC, but I guess I was a bit wrong on that front.

Thanks for sharing your POV on this, and I'm thankful that my post has provided a much needed... reality check? Not sure if that's the right word but that's certainly what I felt when I came to my own conclusion about my own video. In a way we both decided that we would focus our efforts on what felt the most fun to do, going back to why we originally started speedrunning in the first place. We found one level and just had so much fun with it that we ended up getting WR along the way. Hopefully the rest of our grinds feel the same way going forward.

I thought I would give my own take on this, as I felt like this during my speedrunning career.

 PJ overtaking my #1 spot goes beyond just a simple rank on a leaderboard, as I hope I have conveyed by now. It calls into question whether my grand goal of making what is essentially a glorified Marble Blast AMV (google that term if you don’t know what it means) is even worth it, both from a motivational standpoint, as well as a logistical one.

    “Mazik, take as long as you need, don’t focus on how fast other people are going.” I wish I could do this, believe me, I really do, if it weren’t for the fact that the leaderboards change and see new strategies develop for each level and become more optimized, I would have a much easier time doing this.

Hopefully, you don’t have to reach the same difficult decision I made and can be happy with whatever legacy you have here.

I think the phrase "comparison is the thief of joy" would best describe the situation here, not just in speedrunning but in many walks of life. When we compare ourselves to someone, it's easy to feel ashamed and question things we do - "Why am not like X?" is a question often asked in this case. I've struggled with comparison in sport where I've wanted to be like someone else, and got frustrated with not achieving that outcome and as a result, not enjoying said sport - it was someone I never knew in real life too. Since going to therapy late last year, I've had the realisation that my own effort is my best effort, with help from professionals of course. I was also just drained and felt like I didn't want to play anymore, which was after the ratings race, and believe me, finishing up's done me a world of good. People also move on with life, whether it's with family, their career or even sometimes forgetting about the game, and it will eventually not matter any more.

To be fair to you Mazik, your dedication has been testiment to the community, like many others, who pick up a ball rolling game at a young age. I feel you can still release that video even if your times aren't "perfect" as perfection doesn't exist - speedrunners often do struggle with perfectionism as they want to get things right.

I think the phrase "comparison is the thief of joy" would best describe the situation here, not just in speedrunning but in many walks of life. When we compare ourselves to someone, it's easy to feel ashamed and question things we do - "Why am not like X?" is a question often asked in this case.

Yeah, NF said something similar in his post, although I do want to add something. Simply put, my standards have gotten too high for what my skillset can handle. While I am very capable of putting out high quality runs, the rate at which I do them is not high enough to justify making a grand video to me. This eventually lead to my frustration and the eventual comparison of me with other people, but it's moreso a logistical issue with me not having enough time to dedicate to speedrunning than a mental issue

I feel you can still release that video even if your times aren't "perfect" as perfection doesn't exist - speedrunners often do struggle with perfectionism as they want to get things right.

If you take perfect literally, then you're right, but perfect to me just means whatever times meet my level of quality I would expect out of a run I want to put in a video. I appreciate the encouragement but there is just no way I will ever put out a video with shit runs in them. I can never feel proud of a video if the runs do not meet my standards. I can handle letting some times I have fall just below my goal as a compromise, but overall I should be proud of most runs in my video.