Marble Blast Matan
Codename:
The game that will rape you and leave you satisfied and asking for more!
Secondary Codename:
MY BABIES!!!
Game Background
Matan was really pissed off at GarageGames not able to produce a hard game or hard gold times for Marble Blast, so he decided to make his own game which will in fact be hard, yet still community approachable. He was working on it with Spy47 (who added some anime touch [and ideas] to the game) which you can read about later on. The game was both praised by many as well as banned in many countries making it one of the best-games of all times where everyone wants it yet nobody wants others to know they have it. Matan had a lot of fun too, once you see what's in the game content.
System Requirements
Surprisingly, those are some of the more basic requirements as the game doesn't go after high-end graphics or computer resources. The only problem is that it never works on a Macintosh, nobody knows why.
Gameplay
The levels are tough, although they can be completed. Since all levels were created by Matan we found out a few things:
- They can be beaten. Eventually. We think. Harder than Marble Blast Technostick for sure.
- Nobody has yet to beat a single Matan Time*
- Some of the levels have a certain white texture on them which is apparently one of the friction forces. We have yet to figure out why it looks like that or better yet why it sticks to the marble.
* - We've actually managed to beat a Matan Time but then the game crashed, reporting us as cheaters and cleared all of its scores. The creator of the game, Matan, then came and raped the guy who beat the 'Matan Time'. We never tried beating one of those again.
Otherwise, we've pretty much enjoyed the game. Levels such as Drugged Up! caused the marble to be drowsy and was full of the 'Drugged Up!' powerups which apparently only caused the marble to be extra drowsy (until it got raped by a larger marble, and that's how the level finished).
The levels were also interesting and fun to play. Well known series such such Battlecube Series, Basic Agility Course Series, Gem Travel Series and many others were featured. Despite their hard-levels nature, some were actually easier. According to the game creator, all levels can be beaten because he could. We have yet to prove it right.
The game's graphics are very well done and features a lot of new content such as Achievements (our favourite is 'Rape the Level') but also features a lot of scary moments if you have your volume up. More on that in the Warning section. Probably one of the game's best highlights are the screenshots which never failed to be less than 'Awesome!' and really made us want to play any level.
Music and sounds
The game music was amazing and apparently was composed by Tzuf, Matan's cockatiel. It was a bit repetitive at times but always enjoyable to hear. Some musicians stopped playing and quit their jobs after hearing such musical monstrosity.
The game will also randomly say 'you suck' or scream 'MY BABIES!!!' with frequency increased as you go out of bounds and catch gems, respectively. The bonus disc ($5 more) is music made by Spy47 and became quite popular (and the number of people who knew Japanese in this world had taken a dramatic increase).
Warning
The game likes to make scary sounds that have given us heart attacks. Sometimes when you go Out of Bounds on easy parts the game screams at you on how much you suck and refuses to let you play anymore, forcing you to quit before you can play again. If you fell off the easiest part of the level, it will quit instantly, losing any progress you made in the past week.
New Features
The game comes with Multiplayer with a never seen before customizable AI. You can choose between a Matan, Farhan and n00b. Farhan mega marbles you the whole time and does amazing skillshots, Matan just beats the crap of you and the n00b just blasts and uses a mega marble all the time. It also sucks and offers no real challenge. They're working on the your-average-player AI and a pro AI but they're having difficulties because the Matan and Farhan AIs decided that such AIs don't exist and thus the game won't even start up. Otherwise, it works pretty smooth until the Matan and Farhan AIs hijack the game and beat everyone. This usually happens at game start or within 15 seconds of game start.
Exclusive powerups
- The Hammer :: This powerup is able to break certain objects. It's best known in its used in the level, 'Destroy all Macs' where the player had to use this powerup to destroy blocks that made up the same of an iMac. The iMac had 'Andrew Sears' name on the back of it.
- Rape-A-Friend :: This powerup was thought of by Matan and coded by Spy47. It does one of two possible options
--> Sends Matan to have a good night in bed with one of your friends. If your friend is in a bar, he or she will be drugged.
--> Sends some tentacles to cause an anime-styled tentacle rape to your friend.
- World's Greatest Series :: Those powerups are the ultimate powerups, always stronger than their regular counterparts. Some of these powerups can be found in the following links:
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We don't have a video of World's Greatest Rape.
Other powerups are:
- Antigravity :: Allows the player to go in any direction he wants at a fast speed, so basically you can move at any angle, even to the sky.
- Hoverer :: Allows the marble to hover above anything, including friction forces, hazards, powerups and even gems and finish pad. The last two are its disadvantage but the rest are its advantage because of what they do to the marble, and the user.
Exclusive hazards
- Molest :: A small yet powerup hazard which goes in the level while doing all kinds of sexual harassments to the marble while it goes near it.
- Rape :: The big brother of molest, and one that actually goes far faster in the level just to get a good marble rape. You won't be able to play for the next 4 hours (even the ESC button was disabled during such animation) but at least you get to see a marble having sex.
- Matan Rape :: Some of us thought it's the best hazard ever because Matan actually came around and raped them. Who doesn't want a dragon *censoreddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd* and *censorrreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeedddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd*? They sure wanted it.
- Drugged Up! :: We don't know what effect it has on the marble, but we know the next day we wake up with a headache, a painful butt and no memory whatsoever of the last 12 hours.
Fun facts
- Many hosts of 'Rape Awareness' classes noticed a large increase of people in their classes as well as an even larger increase of examples to choose from.
- An interesting research from California University showed less and less humans would be called Andrew Sears.
- If you put 'Aaron', 'PF' or 'Perishingflames' in the 'Name Here' box, the high score name automatically becomes 'Cute'.
This also happens in user profile and in Multiplayer matches.
Game limitations
Whilst the game did run flawlessly most of the time, we did notice a couple of bugs:
- Some levels would feature a large amount of Time Travels or Fans, thus slowing the levels down. Interestingly, those were either race levels (time travels) or no jumping levels (fan levels)
- Nobody could beat any Matan Time and when they did... well, you read the gameplay section. That was a major limitation.
- Whenever the user filled out a suggestion/bug in the suggestions and bug reporting forms, the game would pop up a message that they user should stop annoying the game and should do it by himself.
- Usernames containing, 'luke' , 'robot' , 'lukie' , 'skywalker' , 'zich', 'Tech Geek' and 'randy' (among many others) are not allowed to be used.
- The game controls you. You are one with the game. You will obey.
Development
The main tester behind the game was Technostick, but he kept pissing Matan off with pointing out every single possible freaking error that can exist in the universe. Heck, even in Misalignment House he constantly complained that the Super Jump was 0.000001 units above the ground.
Yes, some things were fixed, but there were so many to list that most were never fixed (not that anyone cared) but Technostick still messages Matan about them. We now believe it's because Technostick is really sadistic. While staying on this topic, Technostick's suggested powerup, Schadenfreude, never made it into the game. It starts a 145 hour long audio file (which is 78% of the total game folder size) with Technostick listing every single bug and mistake found in the game. That audio file became very popular for many piracy users because of the classical music in the background which was able to be rescued once you remove Technostick's voice.
Another axed part of the development was the secret video of Matan raping Andrew. Mainly because whoever watched it started getting spam emails. And tons of them. It was also rumored to have Matan raping the viewer 7 days after the movie was watched.
Merchandize
Let's admit it, this game's ULTRA POPULAR despite all the bad things about it and got 10/10 from everyone, even Technostick. In fact, there're tons of items for sale carrying popular quotes and other random things from the game. Here're a few examples:
- A Foo Foo Marble Shirt
- Marble Dude written on a shirt
- I learned from the master written on a shirt
- Marble Blast Matan marbles (38 to be collected! Get yours today!)
- I got raped by Matan written on a shirt
And one of the greatest spin-offs from the game:
Matan Fan Club Shirt:
Ah, who doesn't remember it? It's still popular! The first time it was ever heard of was in this topic:
marbleblast.proboards78.com/index....ead=5292&page=1
Today, it's a world wide phenomenom.
Yes, no doubt that Marble Blast Matan had changed the fact of the world as we know it. We now believe the world is really shaped like a marble.
Price
$20 per copy
$50 for all merchandise to be sent to you
Game reviews
TOO MANY MISTAKES, GAAAAAAAAAAHHHT78GY3V8642I6UIQGU43J
- Technostick
I quit Marble Blast, this is too hard!
- Bobby
OMFG I BEAT THE MATAN TI--*glass breaks* oh hey MataAAAAAAAAAARRRRGRGHHHHH..oooohhhhh...mmmMMMMMMMmmm
- A guy who beat the Matan Time
Good levels, but too hard. Why don't you play with me TrackMania United? It's awesome, I'm sure you'll love it.
- Phil
I love you Matan! I want your babies!
- Andrew Sears and Sonic Warrior, while fighting naked in the mud over Matan
DIE YOU AS----MOTHERF
PIECE OF
CRA
AND
FULL OF
SON OF A
GA----BAS----
- Luke, Lukie, Tech Geek, Robot Marble, Ooginpagen and many other idiots who are ages less than 10 years old.
OMG MY BABIES!!!
- Matan
Best game ever!
- Whoever lives on Earth, now renamed to 'Marblius'.
Marble Blast Games
