check Genius Tournament Strategies to Win More of your Matches

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19 Jun 2018 01:13 - 19 Jun 2018 01:16 #1 by HiGuy
HiGuy created the topic: Genius Tournament Strategies to Win More of your Matches
In honor of the start of the tournament, I'm voluntarily giving away all of my secret strategies that let me win so many rounds in the past. Be careful not to do too many of these at the same time or people will get suspicious.

  • Pick your opponent's best map: Such an extreme show of dominance will psych them out and cause them to play worse.
  • Use voice chat: Spectators can (and will) tell you how to improve your mistakes, and if your opponent joins the call you can distract them by making heinous amounts of puns while they try to play.
  • Rig your matches: Before the tournament starts, convince hPerks to miscalculate your seed in order to get easier matches. This works best when the revised lineup includes a match that he really wants to see.
  • Play with a trackpad: You can get extremely fast camera movements without any of the arm strain from using a mouse.
  • Lag your internet: This might sound weird, but having a slow connection lets you pick up gems you would otherwise have missed due to latency interpolation correction mispredictions thinking you actually hit the gem.
  • Abuse bugs: Pick "Fake Big Marble 3" and hit respawn immediately after the match starts. The game will get confused about how large you're supposed to be and give you permanent mega marble.
  • Alt F4: PQ crashes enough that people will believe this, even multiple times in a row. Free retry because everyone is too nice to take the win.
  • Use cell data tethering: Because, let's face it, your phone has a faster connection than your crappy WiFi does.
  • Spam voice taunts: The massive amount of sound effects will lag your opponent's game and give you an advantage.
  • Use two controllers: Little known fact, if you connect two controllers you can roll twice as fast. This doesn't seem to work with keyboard though.
  • Be "interrupted": If a "friend" distracts you in the middle of a match you're losing, then you can ask for a redo and get another chance at winning.
  • Get mad: The adrenaline rush will supercharge your reactions and "seeing red" is just a pun about getting every red gem before your opponent.
  • Run your own server: Did you know that dedicated servers let you run any command you want? The possibilities are endless.
  • Win by default: If you know when your opponent can't be online, say that's the only time you can. Make sure you spend more of the week online than them so you automatically win.
  • Wash your keyboard: Because otherwise you're going to get it all sweaty and your fingers will slip.
  • Spawn camp: Literally. Get a sleeping bag and go find a river where fish are hatching.
  • Argue with the witness: If you ever lose a round, claim you actually won. If you are stubborn enough you can gaslight them into giving you the win.
  • Clever marketing: Make a big list of bad ideas in the hopes that someone accidentally follows one in your match and gives you an advantage.
  • Social engineering: Change your display name and color to someone who has an easier opponent so you can play their game instead of yours.
  • Edit the missions: If you change all the red gems to blue gems in your copy of the mis file, then you can get five times more points than your opponent.
  • Outsource: Have Matan play for you by using TeamViewer and letting him control your PC.

If you follow these strategies (in moderation, like webchat moderation) then you will start seeing results immediately. Good luck, and happy winning!

PQ in a nutshell
function clientcmd12dothepq() {
    commandToClient(LocalClientConnection, '34onthedancefloor');
}
Last Edit: 19 Jun 2018 01:16 by HiGuy. Reason: Formatting
The following user(s) said Thank You: IsraeliRD, iceNetro, hPerks, obee58, Frozert, CylinderKnot, MikeSan

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  • Yoshicraft224
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19 Jun 2018 01:24 #2 by Yoshicraft224
Yoshicraft224 replied the topic: Genius Tournament Strategies to Win More of your Matches
Wow, thanks! I also heard that pressing W, A, and D all at the same time can go even faster than diagonal movement!

なぜあなたはこれを翻訳するあなたの時間を無駄にしましたか?

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19 Jun 2018 01:28 #3 by Kalle29
Kalle29 replied the topic: Genius Tournament Strategies to Win More of your Matches
become a mod and kick your opponent during the match

༼ ͡◕ ͜ ʖ ͡◕༽ You have been visited by the Nivea™ Donger of moisture. Soft skin and good fortune will come to you, but only if you post "thank you Mr. Skeltal" in this thread ༼ ͡◕ ͜ ʖ ͡◕༽

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19 Jun 2018 02:58 - 19 Jun 2018 02:58 #4 by CylinderKnot
CylinderKnot replied the topic: Genius Tournament Strategies to Win More of your Matches
Practice blindfolded: You'll be forced to play without a visual, so you will truly be a master of a level since you can play it with your thoughts and sense of sound alone.

Gem Hunt is based on score, not time.
Awesome SCORES, not TIMES...
Last Edit: 19 Jun 2018 02:58 by CylinderKnot.

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19 Jun 2018 06:43 #5 by hPerks
hPerks replied the topic: Genius Tournament Strategies to Win More of your Matches

Pick your opponent's best map: Such an extreme show of dominance will psych them out and cause them to play worse.

As a corollary, pick your opponent's least favourite map. They obviously must hate it because they're bad at it, rather than any objectively bad qualities about it. They definitely won't beat you on it 122 to 50 in the most lopsided game of the entire match.


Rig your matches: Before the tournament starts, convince hPerks to miscalculate your seed in order to get easier matches. This works best when the revised lineup includes a match that he really wants to see.

A handy way to achieve this same effect is to make someone so salty that they drop out of the tournament last minute, forcing hPerks to redo half of the seedings. For best results, pick a target who is known for leaving the community a lot already due to salt.


Alt F4: PQ crashes enough that people will believe this, even multiple times in a row. Free retry because everyone is too nice to take the win.

Yo but for real maybe I should put something about crash.logs...


Wash your keyboard: Because otherwise you're going to get it all sweaty and your fingers will slip.

Okay this one is just going way too far.

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20 Jun 2018 09:43 #6 by IncanLlama
IncanLlama replied the topic: Genius Tournament Strategies to Win More of your Matches
you forgot about moving to some place like Wales where the internet is really bad so that you have 200 mbps to tsuf even though you're in the UK. -_-

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22 Jun 2018 02:50 #7 by Yoshicraft224
Yoshicraft224 replied the topic: Genius Tournament Strategies to Win More of your Matches
During my first match I also learned that a handy way to win is to have popups come up while you're in the match so that you can't move your camera but also can't get out of the game

なぜあなたはこれを翻訳するあなたの時間を無駄にしましたか?

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22 Jun 2018 11:41 #8 by Frozert
Frozert replied the topic: Genius Tournament Strategies to Win More of your Matches
Kidnap Frosty one year before the next toruney, restrict his access to internet, force him to play PQ in your basement all day and have him play on your account during the toruney.

:>

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22 Jun 2018 19:51 #9 by MikeSan
MikeSan replied the topic: Genius Tournament Strategies to Win More of your Matches

Snowbert wrote:
Kidnap Frosty one year before the next toruney, restrict his access to internet, force him to play PQ in your basement all day and have him play on your account during the toruney.


What if he tells everyone in global chat, tho?

(obnoxious voice) I'M TOAD

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