The motivation of life anymore is cutting into tiny little pieces for me, and one of those few places I can go to talk about this is here, whether you guys care or not.
Okay, so, I was dating this girl for about a year and 3 months, and we were going great (until we broke up because we kept fighting a lot, etc.)
We broke up in January 2016, but then we remained (acquaintances for a while and she had a hard time getting over me.)
Fast forward to this week -- I was over at this internet cafe talking to her about... the possibilities of giving it another shot. This was when she said that door was still open for me. At this point, she was in an open relationship with a couple of people, and she knows I'd want (and she did at that time) to make that just HER and ME together, but she would have to break off the open relationship with other people.
Fast forward to when she was at my house, we were talking about this again and (same topic). After calling her (almost each day to ask for news and/or figure out if she can hang out that time). I told her that I still wanted to try and marry her in the future that night (right out of the blue) and she said the SAME THING when she was over at my house.
HOWEVER. It was TODAY (July 28th, 2016) that I hung out with her and HIM only to figure out that they talked and (she looked a little afraid either to say this or something else I don't know about). It was then when she thought we should just remain friends and if the guy she is dating doesn't work out she can holler at me (I admit I was disappointed but I sort-of moved on pretty quickly from that.) but I was still disappointed. Around twenty to thirty minutes later, her boyfriend (YES, HER BOYFRIEND) comes into the internet cafe with her and me walking and talking and he (pointed fingers at me, said some mean words and made me feel bad) about calling her so much and "causing a distraction" for them. Acting like I was sorry, which I sort of was but there was still some lying going on here and there (in my opinion) I could do NOTHING but shake his hand and apologize. I then went out to catch a ride I was waiting for to get back home, but she pulled me back (with my backpack) and told me that she was sorry I had to go through that. I told her, I shouldn't bother HER anymore if HE is going to be acting like this, and that I should have NOTHING to do with this. (I also ranted shortly that NOBODY would date be but I was just being ridiculous.) I said "Why would ANYONE want to be with me." and tried to walk off.
Next thing I know, my drink almost spills, and I am grabbed by the backpack again. She tells me there's someone out there, which I believe, but gives me the same scenario. "Let's be friends! OMG!" Etc.
HER NEW "Boyfriend" or whatever you want to call it literally TRASHED me in front of her and made me feel down and I couldn't do ANYTHING. I felt like I couldn't be her friend anymore, so I said to her as I walked off... "He just tarnished and ruined our friendship."
I was devastated to hear what I heard.
She thought I shouldn't have heard it.
He tried to stop him, but he kept going.
Now I've just self-harmed myself (I'm honest about this.) 15 minutes after as I got home.
And honestly it's the first time I've done that in a while, and I don't want to do that again.
Someone who I've been friends with for months...
Was just trashed by her new boyfriend. I don't even know what to CALL this "relationship" they are having. Thing is, if she said RIGHT THEN AND THERE if I was the best, I was super talented and intelligent, among other things... WHY are you DATING this freak who RUINED my friendship and my REPUTATION with YOU?
Last of all, if you are reading this, I hope you're happy and he's more happy our friendship is ruined and my hope with YOU is lost.
I am feeling the most devastated I've ever felt in years. I just wanted to be your friend, if not girlfriend. Now it's gone, thanks to this.
Isoplere - Marble Blast Modder; getting better day by day, update by update.
Oh no, that does not sound very pleasant to go through. I've never been involved in relationships but I do actually have a lot of good advice from watching them fall apart.
1. If the other dude was acting like that towards you, then imo she shouldn't be going out with him. Obviously, from his point of view, I understand why he might have done what he did, but it's still not good!
2. I get that you might really really like this girl, but sometimes if things don't work out, you have to let them go. It sounds like it will be more hassle trying to repair things than leave them for at least a year and then see what has changed in that time. You may find you like someone else, or she might have become a really different person. And sometimes the people we might like are not the right people, even if it seems like it. Imo, it is far better to not be in any relationship than to be in a risky/challenging one.
3. I don't mean to say you're this type of guy, cos honestly I hardly know you, but never date people just for sexual reasons or whatever. If you can't get along with someone in even really little things, what is the point? Sometimes I see scenarios where a kid is with one of their parents and the parent is acting aggressively towards the child or as if they don't even care about them, and there's not a huge amount of reasons for that. Obviously I'm not suggesting at all that you would get her pregnant - please don't get me wrong.
4. BlastedMarble is right! That is an option! But if she doesn't forgive you in, say, 2 weeks or so, then I'd say leave it. Cut the whole thing off. I did something a bit mean behind someone's back once and we have managed to stay friends, with a fair bit of compromise from me and also me explaining how I felt about it. Maybe buy her something she really likes. Just be nice to her.