Gay [2/8/13]

PARENTS BEWARE: Content may be unsuitable for children under 13.

Introduction

I'll be touching on some controversial topics in this blog post, so please refrain from creating a flame war in the comments. I'll be honest, this post is a sort of an experiment. I do want to see your opinion, but I don't want you to use any abusive comments. I'm sure that they will be not taken lightly.

I'm Ian, and I'm gay.

If this shocked most of you, then that's good. See, I've met so many people that get to know me and think of me as a normal person or a friend. Then they find out that I'm gay, and many have completely changed their opinion of homosexuality. People, in general, think that all gays will be a certain way and that they will have some personality. They will be flamboyant. They will be horny and are attracted to every guy that walks the earth. That they are perverted freaks of nature. Well, I'm here to tell you that's not quite true. Sometimes all you need to hear is a story. A story from someone you have worked with, from someone you trust. Homophobia isn't just a religious view or an opinion- it is ignorance of the highest form.

First, I'll tell you my story, then fill out a FAQ that I get everytime I come out to someone.

Story

5th Grade - I noticed that I liked a boy's hair. My brain realized that I wasn't supposed to think that - and I never had feelings for a boy again for the entirety of middle school. The public pressure at that time was even worse for anti-homosexuality. Gay was an insult, even in elementary school. Nobody cared, because everyone knew it was supposed to be wrong.

9th Grade - Everything came crashing down in my head all at once. I was riding the bus to a marching band show, and sitting next to my best friend, Laura. I don't know what came up that made me think - but I started realizing that my friends would talk at lunch about stupid things like how they loved women's breasts. At the time, I thought that they were just disgusting pigs who just found dirty things fun to look at. I didn't understand how sexual attraction worked because I was not attracted to anyone since fifth grade. And that person was a boy. I figured that I was just going through the stage where I'd start being really attracted to girls, but it never came.I told her that I didn't know if I would ever be attracted to anyone. I joked that I was either bi or asexual - By now I knew that bisexuals existed but I was revolted by them and asexual meant a sponge that budded off an exact copy. I didn't know that some people were born without attraction and I have since become quite fond of sexual-equality. I left the bus confused and not knowing what was happening to me.

Revelation - 9th Grade - I played the alto saxophone in band, and a junior in my section had just come out to everyone. Troy was also gay, and started dating a boy from Norwin. Seeing them as a couple woke something up inside of me. I realized slowly that I was attracted to Troy. I wasn't going to try to date him or anything - I was a very awkward freshman, but I was so confused that I thought I should do more soul searching. I just started looking around - letting myself look around. Until then my feelings had been repressed by social standards to be straight. I wasn't supposed to be gay. My brain never let the thoughts through to my conscience, but now that I had a real life example of what being gay actually was, I allowed myself to think. I had been brainwashed, and now I was getting a revelation like a dystopian novel's main character.

When do gay men and lesbians first know?
There is no set age at which a person becomes aware that he or she is lesbian or gay. Some LGBT people become aware of their sexual orientation during adolescence. Because of the strong sexual societal pressure to be heterosexual, however, some people do not realize that a heterosexual lifestyle does not meet their needs or feelings until later in life, perhaps even after they have been married for years.

I eventually asked Troy how he figured out he was gay. He said he just figured it out a few years back. He wasn't much help, but I guess it was enough to convince myself that I wasn't just acting out for attention. I at first did think that I was going crazy., but I wasn't, I was just being me. It took until 10th grade to fully develop my real attraction for boys. It takes more than a year to wipe your brain of preconceived hatred and to change your whole ideal system. I don't know what I would have done if I was religious on top of all of it. It took until 11th grade, now, for me to start caring about gay marriage and about society's view of homosexuality, or other sexualities.

That's why I'm writing this post. If just one of you will start caring more - will start fighting for what is right - will stand up for gay marriage when it comes to be your turn to vote for your state's proposal, then I will have done something good for myself. Because love is love.

Until 1973, The American Psychiatric Association had homosexuality on the official listing of psychiatric disorders.

What this all boils down to is ideals and beliefs. Some of you will be inconvincible. You think it is your place to judge and to pick what I do with my life. However, I do want to say this: if you think it is your job to save me from sin: then go save someone else. Save murderers and go save rapists. I am none of these things. I just want to marry who I want, and to not be brainwashed from birth to be against myself. I want sexual equality. I want you to want sexual equality.

Frequently Asked Questions

Q: When did you decide you wanted to be gay?
A: I never decided I wanted to be gay. I realized I was. I was never straight - and you were never gay.

Q: If you haven't kissed a girl how do you know that you aren't gay?
A: I've never kissed a boy or a girl. I have dated only girls. I know I am gay, just like you know you are straight before you have your first.

Q: Is being gay different from being straight?
A: Fundamentally, no. However, my life is forced to be much different because of society, plus only about 10% of people are gay, so I don't have that big of a playing field.

Q: Isn't gay sex gross?
A: First of all, only 50% of gay men have anal sex, and with proper protection and procedure, it's perfectly safe and clean. And no, gays aren't infested with AIDS.

Q: What's the biggest stereotype of gays that you dislike?
A: That just because I am gay, and you are a guy that I am attracted to you. That's not how it works. I am attracted to attractive guys. I'm no more at risk to become a rapist than a straight man. (Actually, less likely.)

More to come by request


What are you going to do about it?

So, what are you going to do? Are you going to be part of the solution or part of the problem. Just because you want to be a supporter of gay rights doesn't mean that you want to be gay. You want rights. Fight for them with me, or fight against me - I'll see you when I'm happily married and your life hasn't changed as a result.

You're among friends. Realize this entire forum is devoted to balls.

Lol @ Pablo

Anyways, welcome back Ian and this was a touching read. I definitely learned a few things. I always thought that gay people knew they were gay since childhood, I never thought that for some they didn't fully realize until high school.

Definitely agree about the religion thing. I'm sure it hasn't all been easy for you, and I can't imagine how hard it would be for someone who has been raised by a family who believes God hates gays or something stupid like that. It's not even a religion problem, not all are bigoted like that.. some take their faith and holy texts with a grain of salt and a dash of 21st century... just a problem of ignorance for those who don't.

The best to you..

*must ponder all about those Andrew jokes*


Quote:They will be horny
They are not? Disappointed.


Quote:stupid things like how they loved women's breasts.
Sir, boobs are never stupid


On a serious note, that was a good post. I've known about gays for years and haven't minded them the slightest, rather I support them but to a limit (the gay/lesbian associations sometimes go way off line imo). Sadly religion does play a big part in the whole anti-gay thing, but there are other factors as well to be aware of.

Personally I don't mind talking to gays (I actually haven't met any IRL) but I don't see a difference between straight, bi, homo or asexual in terms of conversation etc. They're human. I'm a dragon human. All the same. If anything, some would be more comfortable talking to you than others.

It's great you've came out (did you to your parents? family?) and you're realising, and accepting, who you are. I fully support you and do know there are many who fully support you as well. It's about equality and openness. Animals often exhibit homosexuality as well and we're no different to them (after all, there are plenty of animals who are homosexual/lesbian only); it's stupid to think otherwise.


And finally, to leave on another fun note:

Random person: dude ur like so gay OLOLOLOL-
Ian: But I am gay.
Random person: -OLOLO...
/Random person O_O
/Ian smirks
/Random person O_O
Ian: nice ass btw
/Random person runs

hahahaha, Matan. Yeah, my parents know, my school knows. My extended family probably does not. They are far more religious than any of us, and it would be ... interesting. When I go to college I'll probably tell them.

This was a worthwhile read.

I find it humorous that some people don't want to interact with gay men. I've got two friends who are most definitely gay, and I've never felt like they were going to try to seduce me, or influence me in a negative way with their gayness.

It's like some people are afraid that they'll turn gay by associating with gay. lol

Do you know the best place for a gay person to live?

Feb 9, 2013, 12:32pm, bulinger96 wrote:Do you know the best place for a gay person to live?

no.

Feb 9, 2013, 12:37pm, jeff wrote:
Feb 9, 2013, 12:32pm, bulinger96 wrote:Do you know the best place for a gay person to live?

no.

I've heard San Francisco.


Matan, if there are some species that are homosexual only, how have they not gone extinct?

He didn't say only gay, just that some of the animals are. For example some sheep, dolphins, etc.

Feb 9, 2013, 10:32am, valentinoian wrote:hahahaha, Matan. Yeah, my parents know, my school knows. My extended family probably does not. They are far more religious than any of us, and it would be ... interesting. When I go to college I'll probably tell them.

Never discuss politics/religion/sexuality with your family, unless its at the Christmas dinner table...then..............

Well, if your outer family really loves you, they will be very accepting even if they are very religious.

Glad you're back, Ian!

Well, this is a surprise, but not one I'm going to take the wrong way.

Homosexuality is a subject I have been very interested in recently, so this proved to be quite an interesting and powerful story for me. I was raised in a strict Catholic background, in which homosexuality is not accepted in the least. My mother drilled it into our heads from a young age that homosexual acts were not OK in the eyes of God; I remember her not allowing my little sister to watch the movie Legally Blonde because of a scene involving homosexualality. She said that having natural feelings toward another person of the same sex was OK; you're just not supposed to act on them. Her arguments consisted of the same old God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve cliches that everyone else used. Other adult acquaintances said the same things. Natuarally, I followed the beliefs of my mother, but even at that fairly young age (10 years old maybe), I thought that something seemed off. Granted, my Mom didn't have Westboro Baptist Church-type hate toward gays; she said we should love them just the same, but we should also warn them that their behavior is a sin and will likely land them in Hell. These teachings really discouraged me, and I began to really think about whether this was true or not.

When I was a freshman in high school, I discovered that one of my closest friends from middle school who had since moved out of state, was gay. I was quite shocked by this, but also happy. I hadn't known anyone else who was gay, being in such an environment that I was in. I was happy because I finally had a gay friend. It sounds laughable, but it is true. After this, I really began to think about my position on the subject. Then, it hit me: Why? Why can't he be married to someone he loves? Why does he have to go through life being looked at badly for having a different sexual preference? Why can't he live his life to the fullest just because marrying another man isn't 'traditional'? I did some research online, looking at both sides of the argument, from a social and biblical point of view, and eventually, I reached a revelation: Love.

Love is what life is about. Love is all that truly matters. We are called to love one another at all times. Homophobia? That's not love. That's not loving at all. But I don't see how gay marriage violates God's commandment of love. The foremost is, 'Hear, O Israel! The Lord our God is one Lord; and you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength.' The second is this, 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no other commandment greater than these. All of Christianity boils down to this verse. I don't believe that gay marriage is a sin, because there is no instance in which a person intentionally hurts another person; there is not a lack of love, in fact, just the opposite. Taken outside of a religious context, the only argument left is that men and women can't marry people of the same sex because they cannot make children. This argument really doesn't prove anything though. Honestly, gay people are some of the nicest people you'll ever meet. They aren't people who run around in bright pink shirts, stabbing their dicks into the assholes of every guy they can find. I used to think something that, until I started actually talking to gay people and I realized how wrong I was. I do wish all the controversy surrounding gay marriage will end someday, and people will stop hating on that group of people, and instead embrace universal love.

sorry for the massive rant lol.

I am superbly pleased by the comments on this blog Thank you all for taking the time to think about the subject. I think people just don't want to think about it - they just don't care enough.

@GyroCop People like you who have changed their opinion from early thinking are the people that we need more of in the world

I'm pleased to say and see that a lot of people around here have been supportive of the whole topic and not stirring up massive conflicting viewpoints. I've known for a while about this. I always haven't been supportive of the whole gay thing that had been going until I found out about this. Then my viewpoints have changed and I am the exact opposite, supporting the fundamental principal of love. You see, love does not have to mean that two people must be different sexes. If you take the meaning of love into a non-gushy prospective, don't we all love things, things that are tangible objects? I mean, look at me, I love programming. Some of you may love playing a sport, or playing an instrument. However, why does everybody get so upset when someone decides to love another person who is the same gender? What makes the male who likes the male to be any different from the male liking the female? We are ALL EQUAL at birth. Why start discrimination and belittling people just because of sexual orientation, or racism with skin color. Why does the thoughts of others concern you [in general].

Im going to side with KWill on the idea of Love. Me being a Christian believes in love is what Christianity is all about. Not to change the topic (sorry) but isn't Christianity about the love and forgiveness of others REGARDLESS of who a person is, wealthy or poor, gay or straight, skin color differences.

About Christianity with the concerning of homosexuals, I was taught to love thy neighbor as I love thyself chiche phrase. Christianity is not about putting people down for who they are. No, Christianity is about the acceptance of others and being respectful to others, its horrible how people try to give religion a bad look because of the straying away from the principals of the religion.

[sorry about my little religious talk, just felt like I had too]

Being gay is no different than being straight. Does the person still eat? Does the person still sleep? Work? Have leisure and enjoy life? I most CERTAINLY think that means they are just as human as you and I. People need to accept others for who they are and quit focusing on the negatives all the time.

I've know Ian for years in real life, and he is one of my best friends too. I'll always be supportive of his decisions regardless of others. Thanks for being a great friend buddy.

~Jeff

I'm probably going to seem like a stuck up ass here, but is this at all relevant to this forum and why did I need to know this?

Anyway stick up for what you believe is right, and if being gay was wrong then humans wouldn't be gay in the first place.

Very informing Ian. I think that whatever suits you best is ok!

@Trace It's my personal blog, and I can incite conversation about any topic I wish.

Feb 9, 2013, 12:41pm, pablovasquez wrote:
Feb 9, 2013, 12:37pm, jeff wrote:

no.

I've heard San Francisco.


Matan, if there are some species that are homosexual only, how have they not gone extinct?

Thanks! That really helps.

Welps in my opinion everyone has their tastes and if you like guys that's not any different. It's like some people like Apple over Microsoft and vice versa. Just depends on you, don't let no one make you into something you aren't. Glad you're true to yourself.

I wasn't going to say anything, but then I saw Pablo's hilarious joke and figured I would add another lol and a quote into the mix


Feb 9, 2013, 12:03am, pablovasquez wrote:You're among friends. Realize this entire forum is devoted to balls.

And now that I am saying something, I simply want to point out that if I decided to hash out a lengthy response, it certainly wouldn't be fully in agreement with most comments here (and I say fully deliberately, because it's not like I am in complete contention).
However, I will leave you all be because
1) I rarely come on the forums deliberately anymore, maybe every couple weeks on a whim, so I'm not really willing to engage in deep discussions.
2) Notwithstanding the above, I would still be outnumbered; I know my audience.

I guess I'm saying all this just to announce my differences without actually engaging anyone or thing in the open. Personally if anything like this must be discussed over the internet, it should be done privately so that the two individuals could exercise better control and effective communication of ideas, opinions, facts, etc.
[just reread this paragraph and I want to clarify that I am in no way expressing disapproval for posting this thread. I am only referring to instances where one would decide to openly contest certain things, which I'm saying is best done in private. So I decided to post my own comment because you explicitly asked for opinions but I'm not going to actually state my position publicly, even if I could do so in a loving and non-confrontational manner, because it would likely create uncivil debate, not necessarily abusive, but you know what I mean. It's just natural internet mechanics...]

But I think it's cool that you feel so free to say what you mean on these forums, seriously. It's why I've stuck around so long here; Pablo's right, we're just a bunch of bros who love balls (and for the nostalgia-immune, Matan's sexy voice. Time Modifier!). I like how we can talk about this stuff at all on a game forum, but I'm not going to ruin the MB centricity of this site by saying anything that most of you guys are going to disagree with. (I am so damn wordy, sorry)

Ten days since last post, but w/e.
Hey, and guess what; you're not alone. I MIGHT be gay... or bisexual... But I'd mostly go with heteroflexible (mostly straight, but has gay tendencies). Well, I'm mostly attracted to girls but I have some fetish that even applies for guys.

What I want to tell society is that there is a difference between homosexuality, being effeminate and transgender. All mean gay.

Homosexuality refers to sexual attractedness to the same sex.

The O Mai Gawd I'm so flambawyunt!!111!!11!!! has nothing to do with homosexuality; it only has something to do with being effeminate or transgender.

Transgender refers to someone who is biologically male but socially female or vice-versa.

Effeminate just means someone acts girly but may be socially and biologically male.

Like what you said, people need to know that someone who is gay will not necessarily be attracted to every single guy and act hornily around them. If that was so, then every straight guy would behave hornily around girls.