Nov. 26 | Ten Years

I'm celebrating ten years of being a part of the community today. It still hasn't fully hit me yet.

Obviously, there are quite a few who have been around for a lot longer - I never knew what it was like to post during the ProBoards era, before Marble Blast Platinum 1.50's release, although I do have vivid memories of scrolling through pages of that abysmal combination of orange and yellow. At least waited until it was legal for me to be around, which might be the best way for me to visualize the past decade - I registered just shy of two weeks after turning 13.

I quite literally went through puberty since I joined. There are (unfortunately) videos out there of marble gameplay accompanied by my annoyingly squeaky voice that, while painful to watch, are reminders that I've spent nearly half of my life in the online space for this game. About a year ago, I rediscovered some other videos from even before that time, recorded with a small handheld camera sat upon a stack of Peanuts and Calvin and Hobbes comic books - I've considered letting those see the light of day too, although I don't recall any particularly fascinating gameplay, and I'm not quite comfortable with the scarring image of my prepubescent self in the refection of my computer screen  being public knowledge. Nice to know those videos exist though.

A difficult feeling that I've been fighting with for some time now is that of regretting how much time I put into this game. The over-4,000 hours that the website says is only part of that, since it doesn't account for time spent offline (or the hours I spend texturing my levels) - I imagine, since registering here, that number could have passed maybe 7,500 or 8,000 recently - it's a crazy number. I could have spent that time doing more with music, reading, going outside, learning how to cook or exercise better... okay, so it's totally not fair to do that, as much as I want to. Life feels like it's going pretty fast right now, and it was a heck of a lot easier back then. There's no way I could've known.

On the bright side, it was a great distraction and means of entertainment during the hell of the pandemic, when we all spent so much time being physically alone. Shoutout to that part of me that grew up being a homebody and a little neurodivergent.

These ten years should be celebrated though, not regretted. It's definitely a unique feeling that, at this point, behind me is one of the biggest scandals (if not the biggest?) in the community's history that I was the sole catalyst. I will never say that my speedhacking and deception are choices I'm at all proud of - it went on for a year, I put quite the stain on an entire rampage and almost another one, and I produced maybe the most notorious marbling compilation yet in MBCL 20 - but I'm immensely proud of the general direction I've come out of it. I extend my gratitude again to the staff who felt that I had served enough of my sentence and allowed me back into the community and the speedrunning scene.

I have since continued to enjoy going fast, albeit far more casually for the better of my mentality, and I even featured in a rampage officially and gained a small sense of redemption. The 124 videos that my YouTube channel says only counts the public ones, but there have been a lot more  - those are plenty of representation of how much I enjoy playing this game. I appreciate the encouraging comments and reputation I've garnered on my level-building talents, I've been a part of some really cool projects here and there (#TheReturn2015), and I also feel appreciated through the help and tips I've been able to provide every now and then. 

Without any hesitation of thought, I'm the most happy about the closest friendships I've made, ones that have trailed off and the others that are still lively. I hope you know who you are.

The finer details of what my presence in the marbling scene will look like in the future, they're hard to picture. Life is catching up to me like it does with everyone else, and eventually will come a time where I send my last message and reach my last finish pad here. I have been running custom levels almost non-stop recently, as I approach my closing three custom level videos (which is also an upcoming tenth anniversary!). My love for Marble Blast I doubt will ever leave me, but the interest and enjoyment I have in actually playing has been on a very gentile decline for some time now. Bound to happen, but I think however and whenever I move on from this space, it's been worth it.

I'll end with a bit more personal reflection: I won't say I'm in a place of total contentedness with how I've put myself forward to a number of others around here. I am still working myself out and I totally fall flat from time to time; I profoundly appreciate the patience those have had for me, and especially the forgiveness. It is, of course, my goal to put forth the part of me that people see as a role model more often than the less desirable examples; even now, that's not a constant, but it is so much better than it used to be. You all have been a wonderful community to continue to mature around.

Thanks for ten years!