file The Things That Harm Us

  • Joey
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09 May 2015 03:10 #1 by Joey
The Things That Harm Us was created by Joey
Popularity isn’t about how many people know you or how much fashionable acclaim you receive, or anything materialistic in that regard. It’s about the people who are there for you – the real friends who are there to catch you when you fall. Life is too short to focus on who is wearing the brightest dress, or who has the best looking makeup. Like, that really does not define a person at all. My prom was two weeks ago, and I made a new friend. This friend was someone who had just become a part of our school in November. This, by default, made her different because she grew up surrounded by different people. You see, I’ve been living my life with a small group of people for the longest of time. I’m not going to bash them because they are all great people in different ways. But, because my history hasn’t been the brightest, I feel at this point like meeting new people gives me a chance to truly start over in the way I really want to. Let me elaborate a bit.

First off, I graduate in one week. Over the past few weeks, I’ve been slowly sucking all the poison out of my life, eliminating everything and everyone holding me back and focusing only on the things that will propel me forward. While I could elaborate extensively, I’ll try to keep this blog to the point. The important thing is that, while I’ve changed as a person over the past couple years, my goals are still the same. I still want to be that guy who cares, but I also don’t want to be that guy who holds back. I have always done everything I could to bounce to new heights, because I actually do care about my success. The problem is that, because I grew up with all the same people, I’ve become attached to them in ways I resent. This is because yes, there are people in my life right now who are holding me back. I have lost any tolerance for pettiness, especially with my departure in less than a week, and have opted to move forward. But that makes enemies.

In the past, I was always the person who wanted to make everybody happy. I wanted everyone to like me. Now, that’s not to say I succumbed to peer pressure, because that is not true. But, I was naïve. I neglected to notice when I was being used, when I was being controlled, and when I was merely a distraction – the third wheel. I’ve sat in all three of those chairs countless times, and it hurts to look back at how long it took me to realize that I should’ve been better than that. I shouldn’t have grown up allowing my peers to remember me as the guy who always “helped” them with homework, or the guy who was awkwardly just “there”, or the guy who was so nice and did everything that was asked with no questioning. That has become a problem because, now that I’ve changed for the better, some of my “friends” have begun to resent me because all of a sudden I became more assertive, more ethical, and more disciplined with my relationships. That leads me to an awful conclusion about some things.

My peers, many of them, took advantage of me. But it’s my fault because I let them. I let them take my answers because I wanted to make them happy, but hell – if that’s how you make friends, I think I should be eternally grateful if they become distant from my life. I don’t need people to like me because of what I can do for them. I want people to like me for who I am as a person. And, while I’m especially resistant to friendships specifically now, I still value the importance of integrity, value, and respect. In order for a friendship to work, both members have to respect each other. I’m realizing now that isn’t how many of my friendships have gone. And the only reason I’ve come to know that is because of how that my peers have acted since I’ve changed. Ever since I stopped doing everything they say, giving answers, or even plainly just letting them treat me however they want, they also have changed. Suddenly I am the enemy because I’ve come to value myself as a person. My conversations with specific people have literally become toxic because I’ve become more assertive than I have been in the past. I deserve to be respected if you want to be my friend, just as I will respect you. And if you want to be my friend, don’t expect it to be a one-sided relationship where I do what you want. That’s not how it works.

The great thing about meeting new people now is that I have a chance to create a new first impression – that I am not an obsequious kitty cat. And I’m excited for that, too. Listen now, I may sound like a cold-hearted bastard, who looks at things too seriously on the outside, but on the inside I’ll still respect you and be super cool to you as long as we’re on the same page. But there’s a lot more to friendship than that. For example, I am the type of person who won’t try to conceal your feelings (exceptions always apply, however). If you’re looking for a pity party, I will not give it to you. You’ll hear from me what you need to hear. And you need people like that, whether you desire it or not, because in the end, it’s not the people that harm us. Self-control, dignity, integrity, valor, confidence – these are ultimately the things that harm us because of how many friendships it may take us to attain them.

I love you, but your attitude is like that of a shrew. Your options? Take a pill or be my kill. Might I suggest that you wear a vest. Perish in class or be banished to the land of bluegrass, where dreams don't exist as you'll be eternally pissed.

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09 May 2015 17:11 #2 by Eguy
Replied by Eguy on topic The Things That Harm Us
I respect you very much for being able to realize all this stuff about yourself and what kind of friendships you need, that's not easy to do :) Well done, man.

"it's the internet eguy. where children are men. men are monkeys, and women are PQ."
-Jeff 2014

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