Let's see if we can actually score some points this time...
A friend of a friend will butt-dial me while under the influence, thinking that I am his/her lover, and I'll happily respond as such to get their Netflix password information.
While dancing somewhere underground, someone will start firing... Nerf bullets, and I'll play along until someone realizes that I am not a minor.
I will find someone in Alaska who used to live in Florida.
Three German Shepherds will chase me through a corn field, all at the same time.
I'll end up somewhere in the middle of the Sahara Desert, say f*ck it, and sleep in the sand.
Although I won't intend for this, I will happen to be present at the exact moment a bar fight breaks out between two strangers with whom I will have coincidentally had sexual history.
On two different accounts, I will awkwardly recognize a telemarketer to be a former friend of mine.
While previous attempts to get me sucked into MLMs have been unsuccessful, this time it will be me trying to persuade a film producer to join an MLM just for shits and giggles.
Speaking of S&G, I'll mail a package full of chocolate chip cookies to a tech store, asking if they can help me "clear my cookies."
I will visit a random mansion in Beverly Hills as a delivery driver, only to reveal that I am, in fact, the package being delivered.
Of the five naturists I will meet, one of them will end up being my boss at a later date.
I will successfully get a lead role in a film via blackmail.
Six roses will show up at my doorstep, but they will be dead.
Two drunk bandits will try to f*ck me up in an alley.
I'll watch the sunset twice in one day.
Jeff and I will not meet this year.
I'll play Bananagrams.
I love you, but your attitude is like that of a shrew. Your options? Take a pill or be my kill. Might I suggest that you wear a vest. Perish in class or be banished to the land of bluegrass, where dreams don't exist as you'll be eternally pissed.
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